#people will probably get real slanderous in the notes anyway so it's for the best

[lilliths-httyd-blog]

i'm off and on pretty neutral on the light fury but the one thing i absolutely refuse to budge on is the idea that she's supposedly "semi-aquatic".

design notes, concept art and prototypes aren't canon. they might've designed her with the intent of her being semi-aquatic, but until the day comes where she's actually shown interacting with water in any capacity, i'm sorry, but there's absolutely nothing to suggest the canonicity of her semi-aquatic nature.

it's a fun headcanon, and i personally love it and love seeing people do things with the concept, but it's not canon. maybe one day, but not now. until i am proven otherwise, she's not semi-aquatic.

[penultimate-step]

Oshi no Ko 144 Reaction

After the big climax of last chapter, jumping straight into a more everyday, less tense situation is a bit jarring. I know this was done intentionally, I can see what they're trying to do here, but the part of my brain that craves the short term rush, the part of me that is desperate for answers and for the twins to actually start talking amongst themselves more and finally got a taste of it last chap is hungry....I know it needs to be pushed off for pacing reasons. I Know. But it does hurt a bit. Reading serially published works is hard.

Anyway. So the big theme of the movie arc is taking a look at how people are viewed in the eyes of others, right? That's why we have this whole setup of a movie within a manga - Ai's life, her real thoughts and personality, cannot be recovered. Even we, the semi-omniscient audience, aren't actually getting real flashbacks at her life, but rather her life filtered through the extremely biased eyes of Aqua (and Gotanda) with edits for marketability made by people who never knew her, like Abiko and Yoriko. This movie is likely going to become the definitive version of Ai for the general public, millions of people who never spoke to her at all - to those with no connection to someone beyond knowing their image, the constructed self is all that exists. The fact that this arc is the backdrop that we place Ruby's infatuation with Gorou is fairly intentional, I think, and if I wasn't 100% confident in that before than I absolutely am after last chap.

Which leads us into 144 - right after we had the dramatic chapter in which Ruby talks about how she views Gorou to Aqua himself, telling him that she sees him as a fan sees an idol, we cut directly to how Gorou is being portrayed in the movie. Melt and Ruby are both constructing images of of Gorou, but for very different purposes - while she cares for him and wants to idolize him, Melt is aware he never knew him, and is coming up with his interpretation solely for work purposes. This is the direct contrast being explored in this chapter - the different ways of seeing someone's image.

Ruby gets upset when what she sees as Gorou's charm points are not being fully expressed, that the movie's view of him won't match hers. Gorou needs to be painted in the best possible light, so that everybody else will share her image of him.

This is very amusing to me, considering that Gorou himself, as Aqua, couldn't even match up to her image of Gorou before she was outright told that it was him, but let's put a pin on that for now.

Melt, on the other hand, has no personal or emotional attachment here. He isn't trying to glorify Gorou, nor slander him, nor even really get to know him. For him, The Doctor is a role, a story, a character.

This is why he refers to the pin as a "character symbol," while he is doing his best to get a feel for Gorou thirdhand, his priority is not the man, but the role. He papers over gaps in his knowledge with story tropes, things that would work best for the narrative of the movie. From the perspective of an actor, this is probably the correct way to go about things. Abiko and Yoriko are probably satisfied with his interpretation of the role. But for Ruby, who has a personal investment, his image is not the same as her image.

(as an unrelated side note, this bit was funny. I can't believe they're having an adaptation vs source material debate about RPF of Aqua of all people.)

Ruby comes around to Melt not because of any change in him or his acting, or because she approves of his interpretation of Gorou, but because he starts talking about her:

Ruby accepts Melt's interpretation because so long as it maintains the connection between them, this is the most important element for her; she is satisfied. Her opinion of Melt then does a 180, just as her opinion of Aqua did in chapter 123.

This is where I will uncork the pin from before and say - one thing that I am kind of unsure about is what Ruby's image of Gorou actually is, at this point. Usually she seems to see him wholly positively, dissociating all of her criticisms about his behavior from the image she is idolizing. But last chap she started talking about his flaws, so she clearly knows at least some of them...but here she's right back to talking about his radiant inner strength. Leaves me a bit uncertain where she stands. However, I'm not the only one - I think she herself doesn't fully understand her own image of Gorou right now, to be honest.

Also, side note: the way Melt's "Gorou" act in this chap parallels Aqua's own in 143 was super cute.

But after thinking about that for a bit, I realized that it's deeper than a cute shot. while the movie arc has been giving more focus on Ruby's view of people than Aqua's, there's the interesting side note simmering in the background that Aqua, too, has a constructed image of Gorou at this point - even if he actually IS him, it's been over 20 years since he's been Sarina's doctor. Ruby, Melt, and Aqua all have very different ideas of who Gorou was - and none of them match the man himself.

I don't have very much to say about the last third of the chapter tbh. The supernatural elements of this story very much confuse me, I am not sure where they are going or what it's doing and don't feel confident speculating anything. Crow Girl is a cool character and I want to see more of her, but I suspect I'll appreciate her a lot more if I reread the series once it's done and we actually know what her deal is.

Overall, solid chapter, I think does a good bit to contrast and deepen our understanding of Ruby's views, and even if part of me really wants them to narrow in the focus on the twins a bit more after last time, I am content to let Aka keep cooking.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

FHE JUSTIN BIEBER GIF CRYINNGGGGGG LAMAOAOAOAOAO im assuming its the sae oaeu cooking rn

LMAOSOA YOUR POST trust I take all of your ramblings as rewards your brain is fr so big all of these fire ideas >>>>> ok but the pokemon au is so good…extraordinary….exquisite….remarkable (if you’ve watched as much pokemon as i have you’ll probably get this but if not just take it at face value) the Barou sibling angst is actually my fav

LMAOO YOUR MOM AND HER BROTHER THATS SO ACCURATE

ISAGIS HAIR I feel bad for his hair and his hair alone they always weirdly slick it back or comb it up and he looks like a middle aged man

IM CRYING “I cry but because I have to deal with his shit” LMFAOOO yuki fr tweaking atp or repeatedly saying his mantra in his head trying to keep his sanity like “god never gives us more than we can handle god never gives up more than we can handle god never-“

LMAAOA NO IT MAKES SENSE my brain just grouped up the letters that way that I had to double take ok so we’ve had kaneshiro possesses Mira moment and we get canon characterization of kiyora it’s time to freaky Friday reverse you should take over kaneshiro and write bllk i fr wish Karasu actually scored more literally my exact thoughts like “ARE YOU A STRIKER???” Channeling my inner ego…..but agreed glad he still at least has SOME presence and is consistently shown active in game

Bro kurona was so random…like with epinagi and s2 you can see them sneakily trying to add him in the bg cameoing to make him feel relevant but he fr was dropped out of nowhere like wdym the one who ranked fourth in second selection who we’ve never even seen a glimpse of and didn’t do anything in u20 is suddenly good friends with Isagi and others and gets field time HUH his first appearance is quite literally in BM when he’s holding the iPad showing Isagi Kunigami new stats (yk it’s bad when I rmr this info off the top of my head) something about the wording “using religion and blindness” has me laughing so hard LMAOOOO it’s giving that one meme “I’ve got the power of god and anime on my side” except it’s god and optic neuropathy UAHSHSHA ok but on a serious note that fr would go so hard like let’s expand on his character please….id honestly love to see more of him as he was shown in the LN because nel yuki is SO diff than what he actually seems to be based off the LN but anyways…

Kunigami being the main rival makes sm sense tbh when I first read I thought he WAS going to be the main rival but no it’s Kaiser ig….wait the morally greyness of wildcard being discussed would fr be so interesting…..guys….also ness is one of my least fav characters tbh so slander him all you want LMAOO gotta agree w some dudebros he’s fr a Kaiser glazer you’re fr cooking though….we gotta get you in touch with kaneshiro asap

LMAO REAL I also (clearly) enjoy bllk quite a bit but yes many things to be improved…sometimes I think to myself if only I was an Isagi Rin or Kaiser stan I’d be having the time of my life but alas we cannot be MEDIOCRE

Wait the terminally ill route fits his character fr….where he’d be unwilling to tell his family about it because he wants to strive to be the best despite it and won’t settle for a comfy life…I can also see him getting murdered though LOL either way I’m sure it’ll be good (even though he’s dying oops)

Yeah I lowk forgot people who have such audacity exist the Tullia hate kinda insane and just generally when people comment “he’s mine [chafacter] better get away from my man” ICK imagine in the tags you just put every reader pairing possible as a jic disclaimer like “reader and Tullia talk to men so beware!”

I always found the rival characters so funny like why are you jumping me when I’m trying to get to the next city no I don’t wanna battle you rn LMAOO it’s funny in how like every version you end up teaming up and double battling the villain team somehow but the way they come and go was always so funny to me

When you first said may I thought you meant May from pokemon but now I realize…anyways love Tullia sooo glad to have her alive!!

LMAOOOO Lowk I had a subconscious thought like galvanthla interesting choice (i personally collected joltiks bc they looked cute LMFAO) Isagi the most basic of basics so an all basic team is perfect for him LOL I mean hey you gotta have an op basic pokemon somewhere right I already consider infernape relatively more niche amongst most popular pokemon too LOL

Otoya using his pokemon as chick magnets is so real LMAOO I wanna analyze the breloom yuki vibe like why does it work so well

Nagi fr got the short end of the stick omg LMAOO ofc it had to be a fire type too for once thank you reo for spoiling him HSHSH

SHSHSBD THATS TOO CUTE I bet chigiri would take sm time grooming and caring for his rapidash too (in line with what we talked about for his hair and skin LOL) sometimes I forget you make money from battling LMAOOO like yeah I just beat your pokemon up now hand me my check

REAL BUT LMAOOO the light blue team never fails for him honestly when in doubt just match the hair color I can definitely see him genuinely having an aurorus and ice types though maybe he’s like (I like them calm and cold unlike my parents) hiori running a fossil pokemon conservation wait id never thought of that that’s also so real….atp this should just be an expanded universe that exists time to world build (on that note imagine Aryu grooms and styles pokemon for coordinators and especially furfrou, I forgot exact which gen you were into pkmn until oops I’ll elaborate if you didn’t get to kalos/xyz)

LMAOOOOO i was already linking up aiku and Brock the moment you brought him in lowk that interaction set up you have is so pkmn verse coded its great

I SECOND THAT if no other inspo comes out lowk pokemon au….guys…..also Noel noa being the actual champion while reos dad just holds the title is actually such an interesting dynamic and would work so well

SHSHS sounds like you’ve got it all down still praying for your safety though all those experiences in one lifetime is crazy

HAHAHA I LOVE THE CHATTER reading the convo responses brings me just as much joy as reading ur actual fics im always down for yap sessions

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO that’s just me irl tbh like i hope that’s what you picture when you think of me 🤩 surprisingly it wasn’t in reference to the oaeu!! someone had just posted that they wished there were more otoya fics because they’ve read all of them already and i was like “just working…working hard to please you” because i am an occasional otoya writer for sure

OMG MR REMARKABLE (i forget if he had an actual name KFNSJSN my brother and i always just called him mr remarkable he’s like that elderly man who has a tv show or smth right??) and HAHA tyyyy 🥹

maybe they do it like that to distinguish him from rin or smth?? idk but it’s specifically only isagi who gets the horrendous hairdos they don’t give ANYONE else that treatment 😭 i fr feel bad for the guy even though idgaf abt him…

bllk karasu’s like “can we switch places” because a universe where otoya’s not as much of a dumbass AND he has the chance to rizz up reader is the universe for him (he def is so pressed that hollyhock karasu never made any moves LMAOOO “wdym you lost her to OTOYA” and hollyhock karasu is like “i never wanted her in the first place 🤔” so bllk karasu is like “WHAT”)

HAHAHA possessed by kaneshiro fr i felt his energy flowing through me in that moment 😭 someone needs to get me on the phone with him like idk much about soccer BUT i can definitely cook in terms of characters and plot!!

I REMEMBER WHEN KURONA FIRST SHOWED UP I HAD TO REREAD THE CHAPTER BECAUSE I THOUGHT I JUST MISSED HIS INTRODUCTION 😭 agreed there’s such a discrepancy between ln/third selection/u20 yukimiya and nel yukimiya!! especially with that rlly cool panel of him in the u20 game where they’re like “his style of soccer is street soccer 😰⁉️” and he looks gorgeous af i was looking forward to more elaboration on that!! like really showing how he plays differently compared to the other players (maybe giving him some special weapon because of that kinda like metavision) it also could’ve been a really cool point of connection between him and kaiser given that both of them kind of learned how to play soccer in unconventional ways…but alas…here we are

NO BECAUSE KUNIGAMI VS ISAGI RIVALRY COULD’VE BEEN SO GOOD it would’ve built up the hype for kuni sm more and him feel much more relevant imo!! honestly along with wanting to know what wc is all about i’ve always wanted to know noel noa’s reaction to it…like his biggest rival from the past has destroyed this child’s body and life and future in order to make a copy of him THAT’S LEGIT INSANE??? kaneshiro could’ve given us such a scrumptious kuni and noa dynamic and then he just didn’t 😭

honestly i think one of the main problems w bllk is that kaneshiro is spreading the cast too thin and making people care about too many characters but it’s impossible to effectively manage such a huge cast given the premise of the story and still have emotional impact when stuff happens to them and that also means that characters aside from the protagonist aren’t given a ton of fleshing out (this is relatively common in shounen sadly…jjk had a similar issue but almost to the next level) where by focusing on lesser characters and just giving them insane depth the story would’ve felt much stronger ☝🏻 like realistically there’s 0 reason for kurona to exist in nel when reo (as per our earlier convos) or yukimiya could’ve easily taken that role and had their characters developed much more!! kiyora could also have been replaced with yukimiya (as much as i love him) and tbh?? get sendou out of ubers and focus more on aryu (how’d he go from number 2 in scoring goals to a defensive player?? flesh him out more instead of sendou literally nobody cares abt him…hot take but only memorable u20 players were aiku sae and shidou the rest did not need to be there), get rid of tokimitsu entirely (show how his nervous personality doesn’t jive with egoism) and give zantetsu + karasu more opportunities to shine in pxg (honestly if they wanted to keep the cutthroat feel of second selection then get rid of nanase too and show how kindness doesn’t cut it in bllk where you need to be insane; that way the cast is still large but these characters aren’t fighting for a main spot they’re more naruhaya-esque) 😰 and another hot take but they should’ve saved all of the other ng11s besides sae until the world cup arc (so no kaiser and lorenzo in nel) to really build the hype and stakes of the wc because rn it’s like…ok the bllkers have already managed to beat lorenzo and the whole kaisagi rivalry is going on so the ng11s don’t feel as threatening?? whereas they could’ve been a really cool obstacle in the wc and would’ve provided a baddie of the week feel and higher stakes without it being boring or random since they’ve been so foreshadowed already with sae

i agree i rlly like the terminally ill aspect it also explains why his pokémon are willing to go along with his possessed body (they’re not able to accept that he’s gone) as well as why isagi knows so much without him being a villain…it’s also just sad to think about like he didn’t want his family to worry about him but he wanted to accomplish his goals so he just pushed forward until he literally couldn’t anymore 😭 also now i’m realizing lowkey kunigami would fit better in barou’s role (given the whole canonical wildcard thing being similar to the possession) however idc because i like barou more

yeahhh unfortunately fandom people can be a little weird to say the least and especially now that i have a decent amt of followers i know there are going to be interesting individuals in my comments so it’s not even worth it to not tag…okay but hear me out i wasn’t even thinking about this when i assigned teams (nagi got his team based on cuddly fluffy vibes and barou got his team as all dark types because of his “villain king” thing and reader was forced to have one of the same pokémon as him for the sibling theme…of barou’s team i liked houndoom the most so that’s what reader got) BUT the parallels between nagi’s starter being arcanine and reader’s being houndoom kinda go crazy?? like they both have huge fiery dogs but as per the pokédex arcanine symbolizes loyalty justice protection etc and houndoom is like death hell horror and whatnot 😭 however as we know nagi’s aura is death and reader’s character’s main theme is love (for barou, for her pokémon, etc) so narratively nagi x reader would be so good…especially if they’re each other’s “rivals” but they’re not really rivals and half of the time are helping each other out…there’s a vision here and it’s cooking imo 🤩 ALSO i’m thinking…hear me out…karasu reminds reader of barou so he becomes like her surrogate older brother while they’re searching for barou and reader is the annoying little sibling karasu never had which makes him respect yayoi more and teaches him responsibility and maturity which in turn makes yayoi finally respect him too 🤔

honestly galvantula is such a random pokémon but realistically in terms of type matchups it’s absolutely CARRYING reader against barou’s team considering dark is weak to bug 😭 honestly it’s such a cool little pokémon i think it’s so fun for her to have it on her team!! and the gyarados plot line is going to be so entertaining (basically she gets scammed into trading a freshly caught pokémon for a magikarp and shenanigans ensue) that i think the basicness is excusable

otoya constantly getting girls via his fairy type pokémon vs reader and tullia being like “ladies STAY AWAY” who wins 😭⁉️ and agreed breloom + yuki goes so hard…tbh i rlly like steelix and yuki too it works surprisingly well

no literally justice for nagi 😭 the way the government did NOT gaf abt him is crazy like they could’ve at least given him a water type (although tbf he’s meant to show how the pokémon training system takes advantage of people so it makes sense) honestly though i love his character in this au he goes through sm development and his slowburn w the reader will be legendary fr

YOU KNOWWWW chigiri’s rapidash is SPARKLING he def takes such meticulous care of all of his pokémon (same w reo) whereas nagi’s just like eh as long as they’re healthy 😄 KFNJSSB so like manshine trio will be chilling and in their downtime reo will be brushing his cinccino and chigiri will be polishing his rapidash’s hooves meanwhile nagi’s arcanine is rolling in a pile of mud somewhere having the time of its life

hiori and ice types just go so well together (even though he only has one on his team I think 😭) and agreed i can see him retiring from battling after his arc w reader and co and following his actual passion of helping endangered pokémon instead of listening to his parents (maybe karasu inspires him because he also stood up to his family [yayoi] and that gives hiori the courage to do the same)

gen six is where i left off!! i played gen seven (namely moon and a bit of ultra moon) but i didn’t like them that much so as far as i and this au are concerned the pokémon verse ended with xy/oras 🤩 omg wait aryu as a pokémon groomer slays…maybe he’s the one yuki takes his pokémon to before contests?? and perhaps the itoshi bros are mentioned in passing as gym leaders in another region…kaiser as noel noa’s apprentice who’s going to be a new e4 member like isagi (but a bitchier one who never knew barou and never directly interacts with reader) and same with bachira + kunigami (kaiser to replace noel noa, bachira to replace lavinho, kunigami to replace chris prince, and isagi to replace snuffy) there’s just so many different roles that characters can play!! the world building would be so fun

LMAOO honestly aiku trying to be the rizzler but getting cock blocked by big bros otoya and karasu is so funny to me 😭 also speaking of brock link ups since we know karasu and reader are like a sibling duo i’m imagining otoya and tullia to have that brock and croagunk dynamic where she just punches him whenever he flirts with girls because he’s so cringe it’s embarrassing 😰 speaking of tullia atm i’m think she’ll likely end up with either chigiri (since he’ll probably pull up quite frequently as a nagi companion so there’s ample time for development), isagi (since he’s a classic tullia pairing and all), or maybe even hiori?? like her and hiori really hit it off and after the main story is over instead of becoming a show/competition breeder like she planned she decides to go back to his nature preserve and help in breeding for species conservation or something 🤔 many many options fr

NO BECAUSE LISTEN THE TIK TOK AUDIOS ARE BURSTING WITH POTENTIAL FOR THE POKÉMON AU i’m getting soooo many ideas for the story now!! like the entire gyarados arc, the aegislash arc (this one goes crazy because it’s basically “reader and nagi somehow end up in a period drama for an entire arc” yet it makes perfect sense given the pokémon verse and the backstory), EVERYTHING with barou especially the final fight between the cousins (i’ve decided they’ll be cousins but as close as siblings!! so y/n’s mother is barou’s father’s sister and her houndoom is barou’s houndoom’s sister so it’s like three generations of brother/sister-esque bonds making up the story), the random evil team encounters…i’m sure you saw but i put requests on hold for a few reasons: so i can finish the ones i have, work on the oaeu, AND also start this story hopefully!! also i want to deny people from requesting for a bit so the hype is built for my 1k event whenever we reach that milestone FJDJSJSJ

LMAOOO the craziest thing is that’s not even scratching the surface unfortunately i have had many insane experiences with men i’m sure you’ll hear about more whenever they’re relevant to the convo 😭 and YESSS i love chatting w you hehe always a little rush of dopamine when i see the little “anonymous asked you a question” notification on my phone (when tumblr isn’t an OPP and actually gives the me the notifs) 🥹

[thenerdkingqueen]

an analysis/easter eggs/things that i've noticed on Tommyinnit's Unbeatable Method of Avoiding Sudden Death

spoilers, be aware psa: most of this was said by the creator themself on the final chapter, also this is a pretty long post

Easter Eggs:

the angel reaching tommy (the fic starts with angel approaching tommy and it end with the angel and tommy)

mention of how tommy is young (in his limbo he is 16 but in real life he is 12)

someone saying "tommy is not a hero"

mentions of how clementine is a blessing from the gods/his guardian/his saviour

a gun that cannot kill people

everytime that tommy is close to "dying" some miracle happens and he's saved (most, if not all, the times it happens with clementine present or because of clementine)

tommy avoiding the news

a lot of religious symbolism (tommy mentioning jesus, affirming that clementine is a gift from gods, calling michael a demon, etc)

clementine being "rebellious" (on my notes this started around chapter 5, starts to disagree more with tommy around chapter 14 and then this becomes prominent towards the end)

tommy subconsciously believing that he set fire to the building/city (mentioned in multiple chapters, first in chapter 6 and so on and on)

ranboo liking spaghetti

tommy childish behavior that can only be comprehended in the end of the fic

tommy playing with techno's sword (alluding to the real world were techno was into fencing)

tommy mentioning the five stages of grief

mentions of how the fic is supposed to follow the same ideas as cartoon shows about heroes (tubbo talking about how the characters don't have "plot armour" because they aren't the "main characters", tommy talking about a beach episode and bloopers, etc)

tommy always trying to be the one to save the others (how he reasures tubbo that hes the one supposed to save the others, saving techno on a mission, wilbur telling him that he saved them, etc)

the reality changing in a way that fits tommy the best (in my notes i said that the first time that we see this happening is when tommy goes to buy fast food and somehow got an order that they didn't have at first)

tommy missing the jump but wilbur catches him before he falls (it happens in chapter 9 and in chapter 28)

techno being defenestrated the most alluding to his death

techno not wanting to babysit tommy (chapter 10, chapter 14 and chapter 27)

tommy calling wilbur bald

chapters were is just a conversation between clementine and tommy

multiple mentions of how tommy is "not ready"

mentions of how tommy misses his family (chapter 18 with wilbur saying that "its okay" if tommy missed him, chapter 23 with tommy mentioning that he "missed this")

mentions of the world falling apart

tommy's mom loving clementines tea

the news on tv

tommy being a fan of vigilantes

wilbur singing

Paragraphs that are worth mentioning:

Tommy in chapter 6 about Tubbo:

“Shhh,” Tommy soothes calmly, “I’m reminiscing about our relationship. I’m grieving.” Tubbo stares at him in exasperation. “Grieving what?” “The end.”

Tommy about himself also in chapter 6:

Maybe he did die.

Now that he’s aware, he can feel the wind blowing through his hair, feels his soaked suit sticking to his body uncomfortably. He shivers."

Tubbo and Tommy in chapter 7:

"Tommy pouts, “Why are you leaving me?” Tubbo sighs, “Tommy you know I have to go at some point.”

also in chapter 7:

“No Ranboo slander in this household,” Tubbo says sternly, “I’ll be back soon Tom.” “You won’t,” Tommy sniffs, “You’re leaving forever.”

the world around Tommy while he's sick (foreshadowing):

"The world blurs for a second and he stabilizes himself against the wall."

Clementine in chapter 7:

“ Tommy ,” A voice croons for him. “ Wake up. Wake up Tommy,” It says, “ You need to wake up. This isn’t re-“

Tommy and Clementine in chapter 9, Tommy showing that he is on denial:

"Clementine does a flip. “No, no. We don’t talk about what happened. Nothing happened. I don’t even know what you are talking about, like I honestly have no idea what you are about. I don’t even know what heroes are. Who are heroes? That’s crazy, never heard of them. Do they even exist? That’s crazy. Clementine shut the fuck up,” He groans, shuddering as he relives the embarrassment of a lifetime. Clementine stares."

foreshadowing in chapter 11:

"Tommy glares at them. How do they not understand the severity of the situation? Children, the lot of them. “You will all understand soon enough,” Tommy sighs, shaking his head, “And then, you will feel deep, deep regret.”

foreshadowing again on chapter 23:

“Mhm,” He cries into the man’s chest, “Okay,” He believes. He chooses to believe Wilbur. “I’ve- I’ve missed this,” He confesses. I’ve missed you, he doesn’t say. “I know,” Wilbur hums. “It’s okay. Merry Christmas, Tommy.”

the narrative changing and the people around tommy realizing where they are/tommy and the people around him acting weird:

Wilbur in chapter 25:

“You can stop, if you want,” Wilbur looks him in the eye. Tommy’s grin freezes. “What?” “You can stop, Tommy. We don’t have to pretend anymore.”

Phil and Tommy on chapter 25:

"Phil frowns, offended, “You don’t like heroes.” “They don’t exist.” Phil laughs this time, slightly bewildered, “Mate, I’m a hero.” Tommy turns to him, eyes dulled, “Are you?”

Tommy and Jack on chapter 26:

“I mean, really, when have you actually helped someone? Other than yourself, that is,” Manifold scoffs. “You think you’re so above everyone here, above the world-“ “That’s because I am, ” Tommy stares, eyes hard."

my actual thoughts/analysis (this is very disorganized because it's literally just the notes the I made when i was re-reading):

Tommy's limbo is a world made by him, he aged himself up (he was 12 but 16 in the limbo) and i think thats one of the reasons of why swears a lot (in chapter 27 philza says that tommy could only swear in his adolescence)

Through the fic we can see how much Tommy resents and feels guilty about everything that happened, the multiple mentions of how he didn't know who "burned the building" are an example

i genuinely believe that the hoodie that he wears in the fic is wilbur's hoodie (in chapter 27 they are fighting because of a hoodie) and i think that is an indirect way of tommy saying "i love you" and "i miss you"

i also believe that the reason of why he lives in an apartment with tubbo is because he feels guilty for not being able to save him

In the beginning of the fic tommy deflects what happened and projects in a much lighter, much happier, way. He has a gun that cannot kill, he thinks that fire is "pogchamp", he jokes about defenestration, etc

At some point the world building start to get "weird", tommy being hired wouldn't make sense in the actual world but since it's a world made by a child with childish ideas he ends up getting hired anyways, a lot of times Tommy acts like a kid and not a teenager, later is explained that hes actually 12

Tommy also don't want to leave but he wants to be saved, this is shown when he begs for Clementine to save him in chapter 12, he wants his life back but he also wants Clementine to be part of it

Eneli starts to refer to the boys as brothers in cahpter 19, before this tommy was just an orphan (this fact is refuted in chapter 23, when tommy says that he "wasn't always a orphan")

Tommy struggles to say what Clementine is to him, probably because he realized that she is not his daughter but his mother, my best bet is that Tommy made Clementine to be his daughter because he couldn't bare the thought of having a mother, he mentions that "parents do the abandoning" and i feel like that its how he felt when his mother died, before he also mentioned how she already abandoned him once, he is also super protective of her, and in chapter 26 he almost lost her entirely. In some ways Clementine is death, and thats something that he cannot and does not want to deal with, but shes also his mother and he loves her (this can be see through the fic but especially in chapter 26)

I feel like Phil having wings is a red herring to fool the reader, this makes the reader believe that he is the one who saved Tommy in the beginning

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing xiv.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 5, 690

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hello!!!! we’re here at fourteen chapters omg ✨✨when i first started this series it was mostly self-indulgent and now there are people who actually enjoy reading it??🥺 it almost doesn’t seem real T.T 

thank you so much for the love and support!!! just so I don't give too much spoilers for this chap - I apologise to my fellow geminis for the potential slander 🤣 this is more of a self-drag lmaooo 

anyway, I hope you enjoy this chap!!!

“Ah. I’m getting allergies.” Yena sniffs, scrunching her nose.

You furrow your brows in concern, “Are you okay? Do you need any medicine?”

“It’s just the seasonal changes,” She brushes you off.

You nod in understanding, “I get it. My mom has horrible reactions towards pollen so—”

“I’m not allergic to flowers.” She blinks.

“Then what—?”

“It’s Gemini season. It’s like—literally the worst time of the year.” She blinks.

You gawk at her, taking a whole ten seconds to process her serious tone when she doesn’t waver under your scrutiny.

“I’m a Gemini,” You inform her slowly.

“I mean …” She shrugs all as you scowl at her, opting to throw the closest object you had, which was your favourite pen so you decide against it; simply shooting her the meanest glare you could possibly muster.

“Look, it’s not you,” She sighs, and you’re half-expecting her to finish with an it’s me to make you scoff, “It’s me.” And there you go. “I mean, it’s Gemini’s in general because they’re two-faced bitches who have the worst emotional attachment issues. Like they’re literally what the opposite of glue is. And they’re so over-analytical. How is it like psychoanalysing every person you meet only to hurt your own feelings and sulk about it?”

You blink.

“I mean it’s not you but if the shoe fits.” She says casually, plopping a grape into her mouth that you’re tempted to slap away.

“You’re so mean!” You pout indignantly.

She cackles, throwing her head back as you continue to sulk. You weren’t that bad. You just … you were risk-averse! You liked having the freedom to observe everyone and anyone and package them into tiny compartments in your head so you could understand them better. You weren’t … that Gemini.

“You’re so cute,” She coos pinching your cheeks. “No wonder Beef One and Beef Two like you so much.” She teases.

Your first reaction is to blush because you know who exactly she’s talking about, but you have more pressing matters, like—

“You have nicknames for them?” You ask, baffled.

“Hey, I wasn’t friends with many girls in high school. Don’t girls usually have nicknames for their crushes?” She says through a pout.

You stay expressionless as you try to gauge the level of seriousness you can extract from her tone.

You realise she’s dead serious.

“Yeah, but we’re in college,” You argue, scrunching your nose, “And sides’, it’s not like they’re strangers. We know them.”

She rolls her eyes, waving you off like you were the inconvenience here. Then she leans forward, her eyes twinkling as she takes a complete one-eighty that you try to adjust to.

“So … you Gemini hoe, what’s your plans?” She nudges you.

You raise a brow, “Did you just call me a—?”

“Plans, ___. Stay on track.” She scolds.

You sigh, still fond but you pretend to be annoyed. You really couldn’t get annoyed with Yena. After all, the more time you spend with her the more you realise how much life sucked before you had her in your life. You spent each moment learning more about her quirks and habits, her choice of words that made you giggle or laugh until you were crying.

And you realise that this is how she loves, a little rough but welcomed nonetheless.

“If you’re talking about my birthday then … not much. I’m probably stuck doing admin work for the college’s charity programme.” You shrug, stabbing a fork into your soiled salad.

Yena gapes at you, “Not much—excuse me? It’s your birthday! You’re turning twenty-five!” 

You look at her dryly, “I’ve been twenty-five since the year—”

She groans, “That’s not the same! You’re like—officially twenty-five. You’re literally hitting the mark for a quarter-life crisis. Isn’t that something to celebrate?” 

“Me going through an existential crisis at the end of my degree is not how I want to celebrate my birthday but okay,” You blink.

She rolls her eyes at your realism.

“That’s not the point. Point is, this is our first birthday together and I want it to be special.” She points out.

You snort, “What? Are we doubling my birthday as our monthsary or something?”

She shoves you with a brute force that has you snickering but she continues to pester you anyway.

“You’re so dumb. So smart, but so dumb,” She shakes her head, “You’re always studying or doing some form of work that requires the use of more than one brain cell. You deserve a break. Besides, you have two dudes to pick from on how you’d like to be wined and dined and—”

“Yena!” You whine.

“—it’ll be like an episode of the Bachelorette! But just with a super cool and smart best friend that’ll make the decision for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s ours.” She emphasises towards the end.

You stare at her for a long second, before the two of you are bursting into laughter at the absurdity of her statement. 

It was nice, just to laugh about things without having your heart feel so heavy. Even if it was a mild distraction, it was still wholly pleasant to be able to just talk about mindless things that didn’t require much mental gymnastics to navigate the conversation with.

“What are the two of you laughing about?” Taehyung and Jimin arrive at impeccable timing, sliding into the booth with their own packaged food. It’s very college-student-esque, a cute paper (because no plastic) container filled with an array of assortments.

“None of your XY chromosomes business.” Yena retorts.

Jimin blinks, “You are literally so hostile.”

“Then don’t give me a reason to be.” She sticks her tongue out petulantly.

You laugh, nudging her with your shoulder, “Be nice.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes but manages to keep a civil smile on his face. Always the more rational one between the two. 

“Anyway, Yena definitely isn’t going to answer me so, what’s up?” He turns to look at you.

You roll your eyes but it’s half-hearted, “She wants to celebrate my birthday like we’re on the Bachelorette.”

“Like you’re on the Bachelorette.” She corrects.

“Oh my God, our baby’s turning twenty-five!” Jimin coos at the reminder, pinching your cheeks as he coddles you. You scowl and weakly shove him away, even if you preen under the attention.

“I’m literally older than the both of you.” You huff.

Yena blinks, “There’s no way I’m the oldest person at this table.”

Taehyung furrows his brows, “Wait—how old are you?”

She sends him a scathing glare that has his arms raised up in defence.

“Jeez, okay. Don’t answer.”

“I’m going to answer because you told me not to.” She clips. “I’m twenty-seven.”

Jimin blinks, “No wonder you and Yoongi hyung are so alike.”

You almost miss it, but as Yena so eloquently pointed out, you were a sucker for psychoanalysing people (even if you didn’t want to admit it yet) that you notice the way she flushes ever so slightly as she scoffs.

“Him? How dare you compare me to that sorry excuse of a—!”

“Okay, everyone is beneath you. I’m sorry your highness.” Jimin rolls his eyes.

You make a note to ask her about it because you know for a fact that Yoongi ‘complains’ about Yena every hour he can. It’s almost as if he can’t go long enough without mentioning her.

You smile to yourself as you duck your head.

“Exactly,” She flips her hair over her shoulders before turning to face you. “Anyway, back to you—our baby.”

Taehyung nods, “Exactly, the baby.”

You scrunch your nose, “Don’t coddle me.”

He pats your head before cooing at you like he would to an actual baby, “But you’re just so cute. You’re too good for this shitty world. Too good for the likes of mere mortals like us.”

“Not me.” Yena blinks before gesturing to their bodies, “You.”

Jimin sticks his tongue out in retaliation as you sigh at their never-ending bickering.

Somehow … it felt right. You think it most of the times but you don’t know any other way to describe how it feels to be back with your friends, laughing, bickering and just appreciating their presence.

When you and Jungkook had your issues, it was like you made the conscious choice to avoid everyone and anyone as much as you could, and any interaction you had during that period was purely out of coincidences and not the intention. You remember actively avoiding Jimin and Taehyung because it felt too draining to pretend like you didn’t have a battle in your head. Even studying or spending time with Namjoon made you feel guilty, the thought of Jungkook lingering in your mind. Yena was there through it all, but even then you saw her as much as you did with any of your classmates you so happened to share a class with.

In fact, if it weren’t for Yena you’d probably have zero social interactions as a whole because she just knew. She somehow picked up on your internal conflicts but never outwardly shamed you or confronted you about it. All she did was be there for you, offering you her presence and you were grateful.

So, yeah. Things were better, but your heart was still at its core—confused. Your feelings for Jungkook didn’t disappear overnight and you knew that you were the one that asked for space.

You forgave him … you did, honestly. But there are things you can’t forget, and those are the things that you wished you could. The words he said in principle, was outright shitty. But the fact that it came from him only poked at every single one of your insecurities that you developed over the years.

You knew it wasn’t healthy to compare yourself to other women when they were living vastly different lives than you were, but it’s proven difficult when you’re forced to see these type of women every day, at college, in your community work or on the media. 

Believing Jungkook’s apparent feelings for you was harder because, well. Jungkook was Jungkook. He wasn’t just another guy, and despite his shortcomings, he had more merits than he’d let on and you knew that people saw that. It was also the fact that Jungkook had a charm that drew all types of people in. He was soft-spoken but passionate, and people loved a quiet achiever.

You … knew about the women. Way before Jennie and way before the thing between the two of you happened. Jimin and Taehyung would always update you about the new fling or girl he had tied to his hip just as he was in his final year in high school. You had to force a smile every single time they’d snicker and joke about how your Jungkook suddenly became a man overnight.

And you noticed the trend with the women he liked. They were … captivating. Beautiful wasn’t even enough to describe them because they looked like they could carry the world on their shoulders and spark immense change with just the movement of their lips. They were confident and charismatic, outgoing and just the right amount of flirty. You were anything but.

It sucked, majorly, because you spent years agonising over the fact that you were already coined with the older sister title in the group because of the way you acted—just a little more uptight than the average woman your age. You were quiet but loud in the right company; you didn’t like crowds, socialising or mingling around with people you didn’t know and based on your observations it seemed like that was the only thing that Jungkook’s been doing ever since he made it to senior year in high school, and even in the first years of college.

You don’t resent him, you think. You couldn’t blame him because you weren’t honest either. You consented, to all of the kisses and touches even if he hadn’t officially had sex with you. You wanted to, but you were terrified. Not at the prospect of penetration but at the prospect of not being enough and the fact that Jungkook was the only person you wanted to have sex with while he had options that were far more attractive and experienced than you were.

That’s why you needed time because at least you could get your shit together even if it was an uphill battle.

“Earth to ____?” Taehyung waves a hand in front of your face with a concerned expression.

You blink, snapping out of your daze as you offer a meek smile and an apology.

“We just asked you if you wanted a small get together at Tae’s and I’s place for your birthday?” Jimin asks.

“Really?” You beam. That was exactly what you preferred.

“Yeah, we know you don’t like clubs and stuff. Just a small and intimate gathering with all your best buds.” He grins.

You nod your head, but Yena beats you to a response.

“By best buds you mean the three friends she has, which is us and the two meatheads duelling for her affection.” She snorts.

You flush, “Y-Yena!”

Taehyung snickers at your embarrassment.

“It doesn’t help that both of them are literally the biggest dudes on the football team. It’s literally like watching King Kong and Godzilla getting into a fight for world domination.”

Jimin throws his back in laughter as you fold your arms across your chest at post at the way your friends are practically crying in laughter at the image. Jimin was clutching onto Taehyung for his dear life because if he didn’t then he’d fall off the chair.

“Stop,” You whine, “you guys are being mean.”

“Oh my God, you’re literally the only person on this earth that would take two people fighting for your attention as an offence.” Taehyung groans.

“I-It’s not that!” You deny exasperatedly, “I-It’s just … awkward …”

Jimin sighs with a small smile, patting your head.

“If it’s any consolation I think it’s offensive that Jungkook thinks he even has the right to breathe in—”

“Jimin!”

“Wow. It really is like King Kong and Godzilla.” Jimin whistles lowly, eyeing the scene before him with amusement lingering in his eyes.

“Do you think they’re gonna start slamming their chests soon or …?” Taehyung trails off in a whisper, leaning into Jimin so that the two other men wouldn’t notice.

“I can literally hear you.” You say dryly.

Jimin offers you a plastic smile, “You’re meant to hear us, babe. How about you try to tame them like Jane did with Tarzan?”

Jimin nearly shrieks when you shove him so fiercely that he topples over into Taehyung’s grasp as the second part of the duo only catches him in the process. 

You sigh, completely ignoring the way that Jimin’s muttering curses that were directed to you under his breath. Instead, you were transfixed on the scene before you—which specifically is Jungkook and Namjoon staring each other down through the mirror of the gym. You were lucky that it was just the five of you since Namjoon was able to use his captain privileges to book the gym because you had no idea how to explain the fact that two big-sized men were attempting to outdo each other in their circuit reps as if they were on a suicide mission.

“Listen, when I agreed to help you out with your sets I thought I was meant to help log it in for a report.” You exasperate, but the two men continue their manly lift-off as they huff and puff their exertion away.

“Trust me, you are helping. Being the motivation is more than—”

This time it’s Taehyung who faces your wrath as you thwack him upside the head. 

From where Jungkook and Namjoon were, Jungkook can only deliver death stares into the direction of his captain who returns it tenfold. He wasn’t even sure why they were doing this but something a flicked definitely switched in Jungkook when Namjoon (purposefully) revealed that you were helping out with something. At the gym. Supposedly alone.

Jungkook’s primitive side came out because the next thing Namjoon knew was that Jungkook managed to drag himself, and Jimin and Taehyung as a diversion. He still feels his chest swell with pride when recalling the scowl on Namjoon’s face when he entered the gym, all fake smiles and a pep in his step.

“____, could you help me spot?” Namjoon breathes, sitting up from whatever the hell he was doing with the barbell. You weren’t fixated with gym language and you weren’t even sure why he was asking you when there was an entire Jimin and Taehyung right next to you.

“Uh, okay sure—“

“Noona,” Jungkook calls.

You freeze.

“Jungkook … I thought we established that you don’t need to call me that anymore.” You raise an eyebrow.

You miss the obvious glare that Namjoon shoots his bitchass friend, as well as the snorts that leave Jimin and Taehyung’s mouth.

“Pay attention to me,” Jungkook pouts. Like, actually pouts. You somehow flush because he seemed so much like the younger version of Jungkook who used to always coddle you for attention.

“Okay but after I help—”

“Yeah. After she helps me.” Namjoon interjects, and you nearly jump at the way he’s suddenly behind you, more so—pressed against your back with his hands on your hips as he moves you aside to get to another piece of equipment.

Your breath hitches because while you weren’t exactly invested in Namjoon in the romantic sense, he was undeniably attractive and … big. You could salivate in private.

“Oh my God, do you see that?” Taehyung hisses in a hushed whisper.

“Hyung is petty,” Jimin gawks.

“This is Namjoon we’re talking about. Didn’t he steal all the umbrellas from your dorm because you ratted him out to the librarian when he broke a bookshelf?” Taehyung recalls.

Jimin pauses to retract his mind to that moment.

“He’s so petty and I’m living for it. Look at Kook’s face,” He snickers, nudging Taehyung with his shoulder.

Jungkook only can clench his jaw in return because he knew that you wouldn’t be a fan of him reaching out to strangle the shit out of Namjoon. But the older boy seems fine, if not pleased with how Jungkook’s fuming in his own spot.

“Let me just …” You cock a thumb to Namjoon, before releasing a breath of your own and going to help him with whatever he needed in the first place.

“Jimin can help him. I have a more pressing problem.” He complains.

You stop in your tracks before turning around, raising an eyebrow at Jungkook who finally sits up, still staring at you like you held all the solutions in the world.

“Literally wait for your turn,” Namjoon scowls.

“My arm hurts,” Jungkook says, raising his arm to show you. 

“I don’t … see anything?” You furrow your brows.

“Because my muscles hurt, Noona,” Jungkook emphasises with a flex of his bicep and you can feel yourself get hot in the way your eyes can’t stray away.

You’re momentarily distracted by the blatant display of muscle by Jungkook that you completely miss the way that Jimin and Taehyung are struggling to breathe because of how hard they’re stifling their laughter or the way that Namjoon is contemplating on throwing the nearest dumbbell into Jungkook’s direction.

You flush, “Okay, you know what? Wait here. Let me get the first aid kit.” You mumble, quickly scampering off to alleviate yourself from the situation.

The moment you leave the room, Namjoon takes two long strides until he reaches where Jungkook’s sat, before wrapping a hand around the arm that was supposedly hurt—and squeezes.

“Ow! What the fuck hyung?!” Jungkook shrieks.

“Don’t hyung me, you brat.” Namjoon seethes, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jungkook gapes, while Jimin and Taehyung watch in amusement.

“Me?! What’s wrong with you?” Jungkook retorts, equally as agitated, “Oh, _____, help spot me! Woe is me! Like she wouldn’t get crushed under you, you meathead!” 

“Like you’re any better,” Namjoon snaps, “Oh, Noona, pay attention to me. My arm hurts. You might as well have asked her to change your fucking diapers at the rate you’re acting like a damn child.”

“You’re the one that started all of this!” Jungkook exasperates, “With all due respect hyung, I love you and you’re my captain but I really feel like smashing your head into the wall right now.”

“That’s it?” Namjoon scoffs, “Well I’ll do you one better and let you know that every time you breathe in my direction I feel like—”

“Oh my God will you two idiots shut the fuck up?” Taehyung interjects, snapping at the two boys who pause, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Even Jimin is surprised at Taehyung’s intervention, purely because he was the type that usually let shit slide or let other people put problematic individuals into place. He was the mediator, the diplomat—not usually the aggressor.

“Wha—”

“Another peep and I’m going to smother your body under the dumbbells and leave you here to rot and die.” Taehyung seethes, staring straight into Jungkook’s soul.

That shuts him up.

“Both of you are acting like goddamn children, and for what? To battle out your masculinity to see who gets ____’s attention first?” Taehyung exasperates.

Namjoon clears his throat, “We were just—”

“—acting like a bunch of barbarians who’s never seen civilisation?” Taehyung retorts dryly, “Yeah. Because that’s exactly what this looks like. The two of you are so petty and for what? You two are literally rubbing the last remaining brain cells you have with each other but nothing is coming out from it. Like—nothing. Do you think she’d give a shit which one of you can lift more reps? That means absolutely nothing! She’s already freaked the fuck out at the prospect of her childhood best friend being in love with her and now we have Big Tit Number One and Two battling it out like you’re in the Greek Olympics.”

Jungkook blinks, and Jimin is mildly impressed.

“So before she comes back and tends to Jungkook’s hurt muscle,” Taehyung sneers, eyes narrowing at a guilty-looking Jungkook, “Both of you better sort your shit out.”

Namjoon flushes, embarrassed at the prospect of being called out, all while Jungkook is avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“Oh my God, do you have a crush on each other or something? Apologise!” Taehyung gestures towards the two boys who awkwardly blink at each other, feeling much like reprimanded children.

It’s Namjoon who breaks the silence first, clearly the more mature one in the situation.

“Look … Jungkook,” He sighs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to … drag it out like this. I don’t mean it maliciously and you’re my friend and teammate, so I’d really hate if a girl got in the way.”

Jungkook nibbles on his lips, eyebrows still scrunched; and the irrational part of him tells him to ignore the apology. But with the way that Taehyung is glaring him down, with Jimin’s expectant gaze, he knows that he doesn’t have much of a choice.

“I’m sorry … too,” he winces at his own voice, “But just to let you know … I really …” He shuts his eyes, feeling his chest tighten when he tries to force the words out, “She isn’t just … a girl to me, hyung. I really, really like her. And—I know you like her too but … I fucked up and I really want to make things right and seeing you—”

Jungkook is flushing while he rambles on, fully aware that the rest of his friends are listening intently to him speaking his heart. But a hand rests itself on his shoulder, and when Jungkook opens his eyes he sees Namjoon offering him a gentle smile.

“I know,” He says, “I know I said I wouldn’t back off …” He trails off and Jungkook recalls the conversation he had with him in the very same gym just a few weeks back, “But I don’t think I can compete with a decade long love story.” 

Jungkook scoffs, though his ears are flushed.

“It’s really not—”

Namjoon waves him off, clasping a tight hand onto his back that tells him it’s okay, and whatever that was going on would get better. And Jungkook feels marginally better and allows himself to let out a sigh of release.

“So are the two of you gonna kiss or what?” Jimin asks in the midst of the silence.

Namjoon glares at the boy, “Don’t make me give you an extra ten laps.”

He backs down immediately, raising his hands up in defence. And at that moment, you return, all smiles and with a pant as you raise the first aid kit up.

“Your arm?” You smile sweetly, and Jungkook can only offer a weak on in return.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Depends. Will I have to run from the government if I answer you honestly?” Yena ponders out loud.

You roll your eyes but shake your head anyway. The two of you were meant to be cooking dinner but you’ve surrendered yourself to Netflix and Yena’s witty live commentary on horrible films you were scrolling through an hour earlier. Though, your head wasn’t quite in it, to begin with; your thoughts drifting to other aspects, ones that you thought too hard for and didn’t necessarily know the answer to.

It was frustrating, the way that you wanted to have a solution for everything but overthought every single case that happens to pass by your mind. 

“No one’s hunting anyone down, your anarchist,” You say, “This is a little … personal.” 

You didn’t have any girl friends prior to Yena, and that was your first mistake. You weren’t the person that actively avoided having girl friends because you thought they were dramatic or overly emotional but purely because you never knew how to befriend women. It was weird—being a woman yet being muddled with your own sense of femininity that suppressed your ability to form meaningful friendships with your women peers.

Throughout most of your childhood and teenaged life, you only had Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. While they were more than enough to keep your memories cheerful and filled with laughter, there were more personal things that you couldn’t quite approach them with. They had each other to confide in their ‘manly’ discussions, small talk that you’d often flush at—but you couldn’t ask them the same things you wanted to.

You knew, that on a fundamental level that your personal things were just … things. It wasn’t that deep, nor did it require a PhD in Gender Studies to fully understand the nuance of periods or apparent ‘girl’ problems; you just needed to listen. But you were timid, and you got embarrassed super easily—so that never boded well whenever you’d want to approach them with a question of your own.

But now, you had Yena—debatably the most open and understanding person you’ve met in your life; and you owed it to yourself, and her—to be honest, to live yourself vicariously in your girl best friends eyes—and ask:

“How do you have sex?”

Granted, there was definitely a smoother way of peeling off the bandaid, but you supposed if you were going to be discussing this one way or another, you’d go big or go home.

“I’m sorry,” She coughs, “What?”

You blink.

“Sorry, I guess I should’ve asked if you were a virgin first …” You mumble.

Yena stares at you with a stupefied expression as she gapes at you.

“Hey, repeat after me: candy, tree and cat.” She grabs you by your shoulders.

“I’m not cerebrally compromised, Yena,” you say dryly.

“Repeat,” She glares.

You huff, shoving her hand off your shoulder.

“Candy, tree and cat. There, happy?” You huff.

She eyes you weirdly as you sigh. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes!” You exasperate, “So like … how? Do you just? Penetrate?”

Yena blinks one more time, her eyes trailing to the ceiling as she asks for a higher being to give her strength before she returns her gaze onto your figure.

“Babe, that is literally the unsexiest way to approach sex.” 

“Penetration?” You furrow your brows.

She scrunches her brows, “No.” She gestures to you, “That.”

You scowl.

“I don’t know how to approach sex! That’s why I’m asking you. I literally don’t know who else to approach. If I went to Jimin or Taehyung I’m pretty sure they’d just stare at me and cry. Namjoon is out of the picture because he’d likely approach sex textbook style and I don’t need that level of detail right now. I definitely can’t ask Jungkook because he’s the guy I wanna have sex with. So yeah. I’m here because you’re a woman and the only person I can have a full conversation with without losing my will to live.”

Yena gawks at you, jaw slack as you finish your ramble; ears flushed.

“… you …” She begins, wracking her brain for the words that seem to fail her, “… okay. You know what, the fact that you’re here and putting your big girl pants on and asking me this is a feat in itself so I’m going to just ignore the fact that you said you wanted to have sex with Jungkook.”

You flush, “I was word vomiting—”

“Ah,” She holds her hands up, levelling you with a knowing glare, “If you want honest, you be honest too.”

You slump in your seat, sighing as you nod your head defeatedly.

“Firstly, I’m not a virgin. I could never be a virgin.” Yena declares, “Granted, I’ve slept with three people and two of them were women. But the idiot I lost my virginity to was, unfortunately, of XY chromosomes so … I guess I can answer your questions.”

“I mean … I know how sex works but … approaching it …” You mutter.

“And sex isn’t this groundbreaking act that requires Einstein’s IQ to partake in. It’s both intimate and not, and that’s definitely a personal preference. You can know the semantics of how people have sex, for hets in this case, which is just the classic ol’ penetration method where the penis enters the—”

“Your point?” You exasperate.

“—okay, I got a little carried away. But really, sex isn’t … difficult. It’s scary, I’ll give you that. But you don’t go into your first time thinking you’ll be great at it. Hell, you won’t even like sex that much your first few times unless your partner is a sex demon or something.”

“I mean when Jungkook …” You shudder, “When he … I … you know, did things … it felt …” You fiddle with your fingers. Your ears were undoubtedly on fire, and you were so embarrassed saying these things out loud because it was just so awkward!

“Good? You know I’m not going to judge you for it,” she says pointedly, “That’s what friends are for, right?”

You flush, covering your face with your hands in embarrassment. You knew that Yena would never judge you for something as trivial and as unimportant as your sexual endeavours, but this was still a road you’ve yet to properly navigate yourself.

“I … came,” you wince at your breathy voice, “It felt good. And … he’s experienced, you know? I just don’t want to …”

Yena looks at you inquisitively.

“You don’t want to …?”

You sigh deeply, considering your next words with a soft murmur, “I don’t want to not live up to his expectations, you know?”

She frowns at you, “Jungkook’s made some mistakes but you said it yourself. He’s in love with you,” she says softly, “There’s no pressure to have sex with him just because it’s out in the open now, you know?”

You nibble on your lips.

“It’s … more than just that,” you tell her, “I told him I needed time, and really, I do. But it isn’t because I’m confused. I mean, kind of—but really it’s because I don’t want to walk into something and disappoint him … I’m just … scared.”

Yena holds your hand in hers while offering you a gentle smile.

“It’s valid that you’re scared. But there really isn’t anything that can come out of being scared right now. The two of you worked through an obstacle, and here you are creating another one that doesn’t quite exist yet. Trust me, when the time feels right, it does. And you’ll feel ready. Will you still be scared? Maybe. But it’ll feel like it’s meant to fit within your timeline.”

You nibble on your lips, “Is it bad that I’m overthinking this?” You wince.

Yena shrugs her shoulders, “Like everything else in your life?” She teases.

You whine, shoving at her shoulder playfully where all Yena does is snicker in response. You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting out of the conversation, even if it was vaguely about the ins and outs of sexual exploration. And she was right, you’ll always be afraid of something, whether it’ll benefit you or harm you because that’s what change does. It shifts your comfort zone into a space that may be unfamiliar but necessary.

You lean into Yena’s shoulder, and a wave of overwhelming emotion washes upon you when you look at her. You really didn’t know how you survived a time without Yena in your life. And as if she’s noticed your glassy gaze, she raises an eyebrow at you.

“What are you looking at?”

You grin at her, all teeth and gums on display as you hug onto her arm like a koala.

“I’m just really happy you’re in my life.” You sigh wistfully.

She pauses for one whole second before she snorts.

“Wow, talk about sex once and suddenly you’re in love with me?” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, “Tell Jeon and Kim that you’re mine now.”

You giggle, rolling your eyes.

“They’re not even competing in the same league as you are,” you assure her.

She smiles.

“So … does that mean I don’t need to get you a birthday gift?”

That earns a thwack on her shoulder.

[superhero--imagines]

Etsy Store Here l Ko-Fi l Commission Info

Part 2 Here!/ Part 3 Here! / Playlist Here!

* Sorry guys but this mans been living in my head rent free

* So the first time you see Satoru it’s with those black specs he likes to wear and you get a glance at those GORGEOUS eyes

* He meets your eyes for a second before looking away, it’s the briefest of interactions

* But your heart is racing and you can feel the familiar heat of attraction starting to lap at your face

* ‘He looks just like a prince’ you think

* You find out pretty fast the ‘prince’ similarities stop at appearance

* “Ah it’s not my fault you’re so weak~” You hear him say with the princely smile as he teases Utahime

* It looks like he’s held something so high she can’t reach it

* “Try your best, if you drink plenty of milk I’m sure you’ll be tall enough one day~” he says before laughing with that same princely face

* “You shouldn’t pick on those that are weaker than you” Geto intervenes, somehow making the entire situation worse

* You watch as Gojo laughs

* You’re starting to think he might be the real curse you need to exorcise

* You continue watching him as Utahime tries to kick him in the crotch

* “You silly girl, did you forget there’s an infinity between us?” Cue Gojo’s “A-hahahahaha” laugh

* Yeah, he’s definitely a demon

* You keep your distance, Gojo’s beautiful and all, but you’re not dumb, you’ve heard about the Satoru clan.

* “Hey Geto-Kun, who do you think would win in a fight me or a lion?”

* Besides that guy is way too reckless, you’d rather not get all mixed up in that if you can help it

* You watch as Satoru takes his shirt off, his well defined chest glistening

* Still, you’re grateful for the show

* Little do you know the famous Gojo Satoru has taken note of you as well

* Naturally given his ability he notices everyone, but he especially takes note of you

* It’s not because you stand out, quite the opposite

* You blend into the background easily, supporting others when needed

* But not to the degree where you unable to defend yourself, or you’re sacrificing your own life for someone else

* He grins

* Looks like he found something interesting

* You’re at the vending machine eyes racking over the drink selection

* But there’s another thirst quenching sight right next to you, their hand resting on the vending machine, that princely smile aimed right at you-

* “So what do you say?” Satoru asks, and you start to wonder if that princely smile seems just a bit wolfish “Do you want to be my lover?”

* You’re kind of annoyed

* What an impetuous question, you can count on one hand how many times you’ve spoken to each other, and you only need both hands to count the words said in each of those encounters

* “No”

* You turn your attention back to your drink choices, it’s pleasant weather so you don’t want anything hot.

* Anything carbonated is out of the-

* Gojo moves closer, peering into your face with that grin

* Ugh does he have to stand so close

* “Why ‘no’? I know you think I’m attractive”

* “I also think you’re a womanizer with a god complex”

* And really why shouldn’t he be?

* He’s probably the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen in your life, not to add the sheer power he contains in that body of his

* But just as he has the right to be a womanizer with a god complex, you have the right not to take part in that narrative

* He backs away, leaning back against the wall

* So he’s not going to deny it

* Well, at least he’s somewhat self aware

* Those clear blue eyes catch yours again, and you have to fight against every human instinct from showing any human reaction

* You turn back to the vending machine making your selection when a smile lilts onto his mouth

* “Friends then”

* “Just colleagues” you reply, grabbing your drink

* But as you walk by you push a canned beverage into his chest.

* It’s a can of green tea

* It’s his favorite drink

* He looks to you seeing a bottle glinting in your hand

* So you didn’t sacrifice your own thirst, but you also didn’t ignore his needs

* He feels that same wolffish grin curl onto his mouth

* “What an entertaining person”

* After that if you’re anywhere within a 50 feet radius of him he’ll go out of his way to get your attention

* “Oh wow, looking especially radiant this morning (Y/N/N)” he’ll say with a playful seductive wink

* When you don’t respond he tries annoying you instead

* “Ah you can’t reach that? Here let me-” and then he’ll proceed to hold it even further out of your reach

* He’s expecting you to jump up and down, or at least give some sort of response but you just walk away

* Well that wasn’t what he expected

* He feels that grin spread across his face again

* Very interesting

* His attraction to you is pretty shallow

* He’s interested you because you’re entertaining

* And you’re entertaining because you aren’t interested

* Which only makes him that much more interested in you

* Its a paradox

* You watch him flounder around, annoying Utahime for a giggle

* Well it doesn’t matter anyway, you know how he is, he’ll get bored soon enough and lose all interest in you

* He’s not the strongest {f*ckboy} for nothing

* You see him turn to meet your gaze, offering a boyish smile and a wink

* You make sure not to give any reaction, turning to listen to something Shoko is telling you

* You hope he can’t sense the twinge of heat you feel on your face

* You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find the attention a little flattering

* I think for the most part you’re right, Satoru is mostly playing around-

* At least at first.

* You’re just something new and fun no one knows about, and wildly entertaining since you never respond the way he thinks you will

* You’re kind, but not at the expense of yourself, and he likes that

* Besides you’ve got this quite sort of consideration for others-

* It’s not flashy, it’s so subtle most people hardly notice

* It’s in the way you bring an extra snack for Utahime when she’s running herself ragged training

* “They were having a two for one special”

* Or the way you’ll get your teacher a plushie you saw at a shop at the station because you know he needs more

* “I just thought it was cute, but I haven’t got any room for another one”

* You’re quiet, someone who hears things and she’s things, but never says anything about them

* A wallflower

* But you’re not weak

* There’s something about those two things put together in the same person that entertains him to no end. Like a paradox or a puzzle he can’t seem to solve no matter how hard he tries

* Satoru’s had at least a hundred lovers, and a great many of them had provided him with their own brand of kindness and consideration

* But he’s never felt something as warm as when he see’s a lunch box in his dorm after he hobbles back from a mission that lasted a little longer than expected

* He peers at the note attached, it’s not even signed but he knows it’s from you

* “I know you think you’re god or whatever, but even gods have to eat”

* He doesn’t know why, but he’s overcome with the urge to cry

* He gulps hard- it’s not like this a lunch you made by hand or anything, it’s just something from the convenience store

* And it’s not like this note is particularly affectionate or special either, he’s gotten entire love letters from his previous lovers

* So he’s not sure why he saves your note, placing it behind a picture frame where only he’ll know it is , or why he thinks that convenience store lunchbox is the most delicious thing he’s ever had

* Even though he knows he cares about you, and that he’s grown quite fond of you -

* I don’t think it clicks for him

* And part of that is because well, he’s Gojo Satoru

* He collects lovers like some people collect photographs or memories

* They serve their purpose, and he lets himself be entertained by pretending all the feelings are real, and then he moves on to the next one

* It’s just what he’s used to

* And this whole paradox you two have going on could go on for a few years until something finally shifts

* He went a little too far with one his half-flirting-half-tormenting pranks

* And for the first time you give him a reaction, it’s only for a second, but annoyance and anger mar you face

* And then just like that, it’s gone and you turn and walk off in the other direction

* Sh*t.

* He went too far didn’t he?

* It should be fine right? You’re not too mad at him right? You’ll get over it-

* Right?

* But for the next few days you don’t speak to him, and you don’t make eye contact

* It bothers him more than it should

* Normally he would be annoyed that his toy would have the gall to blatantly ignore him like this-

* But this is different than that.

* He’s-

* He’s feeling regret

* He shouldn’t have acted that way to you, maybe if he had just done something differently, or said something differently-

* It’s not like the way things were between you two was ideal or anything,

* But at least then you would at least speak to him

* ... and every once in while he would get to see you smile

* It’s never at him, it’s mostly when you’re with Shoko or Utahime

* Occasionally when you’re with Nanami or Geto, who you’ve been talking to more recently

* He’s pretty sure you three are talking about him, just one day away from forming a “down with Gojo Satoru” club

* Still that smile when you laugh-

* The way you look so carefree and young and so full of life is worth all the slander in the world to him

* He needs to see that smile, to know something that wholesome and kind exists somewhere in this cruel world

* Satoru’s thinking about how to go about apologizing to you

* He’s caught between buying you a Lamborghini or buying you a special grade tool when he ends up running into you

* “Ah, could you help me with something?”

* He would quite literally give you the clothes on his back right now if you asked

* You stand up on a a chair holding a glass of water

* “Apparently this is supposed to help with concentration or something” You say pressing the glass full of water to the ceiling

* “Can you hold this broom?” You ask and Satoru nods, holding the broom handle steady as you make sure it’s pushed against the glass holding it steady

* You nod approvingly down at him

* The rest happens pretty fast, you’re off the chair, carrying it away

* “The broom is actually a special grade tool, so cursed energy won’t work on it”

* You grin

* “Have fun figuring how to get out of that Baka Prince!” You say with a laugh

* And Satoru is dumbfounded

* But not because you just pranked him into a holding up a glass of water with a broom

* But because as you were rushing away, you showed him your teasing grin

* It’s the first time you smiled at him

* And as he looks up at the glass of water, a smile slowly spreads across his face

* It’s not the wolffish smile he usually has when he’s around you, or the princely smile he uses when he’s trying to get something

* It’s a genuine smile

* Ah, so that’s it

* He’s fallen in love with you

* If you’re not the one entertaining him, then he’s just not interested

* Ah geez

* He was so focused on trying to get you to fall in love with him that he really didn’t see this coming

* Well he’ll have to start being serious about pursuing you now-

* Though for you to pull off something like this on him tells him you’re his ideal match without a doubt

* A wallflower with a mischievous streak, he likes that.

* He scratches his head with his free hand

* “I wonder how I’m supposed to get out of this?” He muses looking up at the glass full of water

[lucemferto]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT PH1LZA (or Why Philza is a Victim of Narrative Circumstance)

Heyo! Per request I am posting the script to my video of the same name here on tumblr. I must warn you that just reading the script will probably not give you the full experience, so I would encourage you to watch the video (linked above).

There might also still be a lot of grammatical errors in the text, because I don’t proofread.

Intro

LAST TIME ON LUCEM FERTO

Okay, so! I don’t want this to turn into a reaction channel OR a Dream SMP channel for that matter! [echo]

Well, I lied.

[Intro to “Luc is pretentious about the funny blockmen. Episode 2”]

I swear, I’m working on other stuff. It’s just that my dumb lizard brain has only capacity for one interest at a time!

So, something you might not know about me, is that I am on tumblr – who am I kidding, most of you will know me from tumblr. Before starting this whole YouTube thing, I thought that website died years ago – but as per usual reality proves me wrong. I’m also on Twitter and Reddit, but I get the most engagement on tumblr – by far! – and I need those sweet, sweet numbers for the serotonin!

Anyways, one of my favourite past-times on tumblr is to razz Philza Hardcore Minecraft – that’s his full name – for being a frankly awful father [clicking away] – wait, wait, no! Philza fans, this isn’t a hit piece on him, I promise! Please come back!

This is video is meant to be a companion piece to my previous video about Technoblade and the Doomsday event – you can tell by the shared nomenclature – so you should probably watch that one before you proceed. Unless you don’t want to, which is also perfectly understandable.

DISCLAIMER: This video is mostly about the character Philza plays on the Dream SMP. Whenever I talk about the content creator Philza, I will say so properly. Also, Spoiler Warning for Dream SMP Season 2.

… What is that? You’re wondering what the Dream SMP is? Well, if you had just watched the other video like I told you to do, you would know, because I explained it pretty well there. But in case you don’t know, here’s the cliff notes.

Dream SMP is the hottest New Media Series on Twitch right now! It has it all: gaslighting, child soldiers, Machiavellian political intrigue, Hamilton roleplay, desecration of the dead, shounen protagonists, SO! MUCH! AMNESIA! Filicide, furries, a red egg that’s definitely homophobic and teenagers inventing nuclear warfare. And it’s all done in Minecraft – yes, the funny block game where the only way to emote is to crouch.

And you say the perfect brief doesn’t exist!

Now, you might be wondering, why do I want to talk about this? Well, it’s because Content Creator Philza is one of least controversial internet personalities that I can think of. That man exudes pure comfort. So, it’s just very, very amusing to me that his character became one of the most controversial figures on the SMP, only outshone by Tommy and Technoblade.

And it’s not just amusing, it’s also extremely interesting! I want to dig deep to uncover and discuss the dynamics behind why that is. How did it come to this point? How did a man who appears genuinely so pleasant create a character that inspires so much discourse!

Now, if you watched that Technoblade video – like I told you to twice now! – you might know, that I am the resident character analyses hater of fandom! And that impression is false and slanderous! Don’t tell other people that I hate character analyses! I love them!

It’s just that, in the Dream SMP in particular, there is an abundance of character analyses! Every streamer has at least two very good essays written about them, exploring every possible angle to view their characters and backgrounds and everything. All I’m saying is: I don’t have anything to add on that front.

So, instead I want to pursue a different approach – something, that I feel is a bit underrepresented in the fandom! And I’m not just talking narrative analysis – that’s right, this episode we’re going even more pretentious! – I’m talking Transtextual Analysis!

Now, what is Transtextuality? Well, unfortunately it has very little to do with actual Trans people – #transrights, just in case that wasn’t obvious – but instead describes a mode of analysis with which to put – to quote French literary theorist Gérard Genette – “the text in a relationship, whether obvious or concealed, with other texts”.

Basically, you know how the L’Manburg War of Independence heavily quotes and borrows from the hit musical Hamilton? That’s transtextuality! A lot of the analyses surrounding how Tommy mirrors the Greek hero Theseus, who was invoked by Technoblade multiple times in the series, are already doing transtextual analysis! So, it’s really not something that’s new to the Dream SMP fandom.

But how does this apply to Philza and how he is looked at and judged by his parental skills? Well, there are multiple forms of transtextuality, two of which we will discuss today.

But before we continue, I gotta do that annoying YouTuber thing. I know these videos don’t look like much, but I spend a really long time making them. I work fulltime and I try my best to keep up, but sometimes I can’t. So please, like, subscribe, comment to give me some algorithm juice – I really need it – and most importantly share it! Share it with your friends, share it with your family – I’m sure Grandma is very interested in what I have to say about Philza Minecraft.

And I’m trying to be better! If I sound at all different for this video, it’s because I finally bought a new pop filter, so I can hit my plosives without it sounding like there’s a thunderstorm in my room. I hope it makes a difference; it was a very cheap pop filter, so maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it sounds worse – that would be bad!

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, CHILD NEGLEGT!

 Intertextuality: Why is Dadza?

You know what’s really interesting about the Dream SMP – aside from, you know, most things about it? Very few of the characters have concrete, fleshed-out backstories – and that’s pretty weird! In no other medium or genre could you get away with something like that – at least for long-form storytelling!

So, how does Dream SMP get away with this? Well, it’s because every character on the Dream SMP is basically a self-insert – and I don’t mean that in the “This character is based on me”-kinda way, but in the “This character, for all intents and purposes, is me!”-way. This, like many things that are fascinating about the Dream SMP, is owed to the fact that this series didn’t start off as a continuous drama – it started off as a Let’s Play.

And while we can talk about how someone’s on-camera/on-mic persona is in some ways a character, it’s still miles off of being an actual, fully-realized, separate character in a storyline.

This is where Intertextuality comes in.

Intertextuality is a subset of Transtextuality. It describes how the hypertext, which is the text, you’re currently engaged with, uses another text, the hypotext, to supplement itself. The interconnection the hypertext establishes with the hypotext, through stuff like allusion for example, uh-hum [Hamilton], can colour how an audience interprets the hypertext. Basically, Hamilton and Theseus are the hypotexts; the Dream SMP is the hypertext.

So, what does this have to do with backstory? Simple: The backstories of the characters in the Dream SMP consist basically of nothing but intertextual references. Through intertextuality their content effectively substitutes their character’s backstory.

You can see it everywhere. Wilbur’s and Schlatt’s relationship and rivalry is hugely enriched, if you are aware of their shared history like SMPLive, for example – I think anyway. I haven’t watched SMPLive, because … there’s only so many hours in the day and I cannot keep up with the Dream SMP and catch up on SMPLive and live a healthy life – which I already don’t do, so…

BadBoyHalo’s and Skeppy’s relationship, which has become the crux of the Crimson-Storyline of Seasons 2 and 3, is hugely supplemented if you know that they’re also very close as streamers and in real life.

Another great example of intertextuality is basically Technoblade’s entire deal. If you just look at him completely within the text of the Dream SMP and try to transplant his entrance to any other medium: It would be extremely weird! Like, he’s just this guy that comes in in the middle of a very climatic arc, no build-up, no explanation what his deal is, and he’s treated like he has always been there. In any other medium that just wouldn’t work – at least not without a flashback or some sort of exposition!

But because of stuff like Minecraft Mondays, the Potato Wars, his Duel against Dream and SMPEarth, we understand that he is a Big Deal!

Anyways, to bring all of this back to Philza Minecraft: What kind of hypotext informs how the audience sees his character? Well, this is where I will have to talk about SBI.

SBI is an acronym that stand for State Bank of India, the 43rd largest bank in the world and…

It also stands for Sleepy Bois Incorporated. Sleepy Bois Incorporated is a loose assembly of content creators, consisting of Philza, Wilbur Soot, TommyInnit and Technoblade. It is most well-known for its very endearing family dynamic – a dynamic that is frequently acknowledged and played up by the creators involved. Tommy is the youngest brother, Wilbur and Techno are the two older brothers and Philza is of course the dad. And when I say, it’s played up, I really mean it! Wilbur seems to be especially enamoured with the idea and leaves no opportunity untaken to bring it up – which we will come back to.

And I’m not saying that they’re faking this and this is somehow an act. While I know none of these people personally, it appears to me, that this is genuinely how they interact – if a little exaggerated for the streaming experience. Even when they’re not consciously playing into the family dynamic, their interactions still very much lend themselves to that interpretation by the viewers.

Philza especially just radiates Dad-Friend energy – so much so that it has become a huge part of his brand identity – yay, I can bring that back (check out my Christmas video if you want to hear me ramble about that). The nickname Dadza stuck even before SBI was a thing.

So, even if we completely disregard SBI – which we shouldn’t for reasons I’ll get back to – Philza has cultivated an image of strong paternal guidance. He is, in my opinion completely deservedly, regarded very positively. He is highly respected and in turn seen as a voice of reason.

All of this would eventually inform the hypotext of the character Philza within Dream SMP.

 Interlude: Before Dadza & November 16th

Okay, so now we have established that a) Dream SMP heavily hinges on intertextual readings by the audience to supplement character backstory and b) that Philza’s entire deal is that he’s the dad-friend – more specifically that he’s the dad of SBI (not the bank). I think you know where this is going.

So, yeah, ever since it was on the table that Philza could join the Dream SMP, it was immediately assumed that he would take on the paternal guardian role all these traumatized people on that server so desperately needed – and with good reason! Like I said before, the audience at this point was trained to take intertextual interpretations as basically canon or at the very least canon-adjacent.

I want to emphasize that this is most likely not done deliberately. I’m sure content creators Wilbur and Philza didn’t sit there and said: “Yes! We will rely entirely on the audience’s inclination to interpret our characters intertextually to define character Philza!”. Like, obviously that did not happen.

But it’s also important to remember that unlike with traditional media and the fanbases cultivated there, the separation between the Dream SMP and its audience is almost non-existent – and purposely so. The story events are streamed live, Chats are acknowledged in canon and even outside of livestreams creators are extremely involved with the fandom. So, the weight of fan-expectations is equally amplified and will more likely be incorporated into the writing process. Case in point:

[Wilbur “I miss Philza”/Philza about Wilbur]

During Wilbur’s villain arc, even before his official involvement, Philza became a prevalent point of discussion. The hope that he would be the one to snap Wilbur out of his downward spiral was not only wish-fulfilment on behalf of the fans; it also very much played off of the intertextual reading of the SBI-dynamic in relation to the Dream SMP.

Of course, this still doesn’t make Philza and Wilbur canonically blood-related – but it definitely used the “paternal”-dynamic of SBI to build-up tension and drama.

And that ultimately brings us to November 16th. The Grand Finale of Season 1 and Philza’s first canonical appearance on the SMP.

Now, for this I want to pull back from the transtextual analysis and talk about simply narrative analysis: What is Philza’s narrative purpose on November 16th?

Philza serves as the last threshold on Wilbur’s Villain’s Journey – to appropriate Vogler’s version of the monomyth for a minute here – he is what Vogler calls the “Threshold Guardian”. He is the last enemy the Hero faces before completing his quest – in this particular case Wilbur’s quest is to blow up L’Manberg. Multiple people have at this point tried to dissuade him from this course of action: Tommy, Quackity, Niki and others. So how come this Philza moment is not redundant in terms of dynamics compared to these prior scenes?

Well, it’s through our intertextual understanding of Wilbur’s and Phil’s relationship. Because Philza does not just occupy the role of the Threshold Guardian – he is also implicitly the Mentor. Before Phil there was no character in the storyline that held a higher position of moral authority than Wilbur – Dream and Schlatt, while at points more powerful in terms of actual authority, were never positioned by the narrative as Wilbur’s superiors in the same way as Wilbur was to Tommy, Tubbo or even Niki.

Before November 16th all challenges Wilbur faced were from people narratively subordinated to him. But that trend is broken with Phil. That is why he is the Threshold Guardian, why this confrontation is at the climax of Wilbur’s arc. Because Phil is the last thing tethering Wilbur to whatever morality he held before his villain arc; Phil is the last, moral obstacle Wilbur has to discard before gaining his reward.

And, just a quick sidenote, because I’ve seen it around the fandom a bunch: When I’m referring to Wilbur denouncing his morality, I’m using that in terms of narrative analysis. I’m mentioning it, because Wilbur’s character can very easily be read as mentally ill or neurodivergent and some people have – rightly! – pointed out that the excessive vilifying when talking about his character is … problematic, to say the least.

So, I just want to make clear, this isn’t a character analysis, I’m being purposely broad when talking about Wilbur and Phil.

In the end, Wilbur takes that final step and gets his “reward”: As his final request his mentor takes his life and vanquishes the evil – the dragon of Wilbur’s story slays the dragon of L’Manburg. It’s very Shakespearean in its tragedy – but beyond the larger theatrics it’s not really used to further characterize Phil – at least in the context of Season 1. There’s not a lot of focus on his characters internal conflict during November 16th.

Phil, like Techno, is very utilitarian in how content creator Wilbur writes him: He serves as a moment of hype; an obstacle Wilbur has to face; a participant in the tragic climax of Wilbur’s character and ultimately takes on his implicit and expected role of mentor and guiding figure to the rest of L’Manburg.

I think not a lot of people talk about how Philza does not join Technoblade during November 16th. He takes the side of L’Manburg – he fights against the withers and he joins Tommy, Tubbo and the others at the L’Mantree, thus framing him as loyal to the L��Manburg administration – even though Season 2 would make his loyalty to Techno central to his character. But more on that later.

What’s also important about November 16th is that this is the day when the general intertextual interpretation became canonized text.

[You’re my son!]

Wilbur is made Phil’s canonical, biological son. The intertextual interpretation of SBI as it pertains to these two characters on the SMP was completely reinforced by the narrative. Or to put it in Fandom terms: The headcanon became actual canon. At least when it came to Wilbur … but what about Philza’s “other” children?

Well, that leads to our second form of transtextual analysis:

 Paratextuality: Is Dadza?

These titles are just getting better and better.

The Paratext is defined as all those things in a published work that accompany the text. It comes in two forms: One of them is the Peritext, which are non-diegetic elements directly surrounding the text – like chapter titles, author’s notes, and stuff like that. Translated to the medium of the Dream SMP, it would be stuff like this:

[Examples]

And, trust me, I could make a whole separate video about how people on the SMP use their peritext as a tool for storytelling – I’m looking at you, Ranboo – but that’s not what we will talk about in the context of Dadza.

Instead, we will focus on the second form of Paratext, the Epitext, which consists of all authorial and editorial discussions taking place outside of the text. That’s stuff like interviews, private letters or J. K. Rowling’s Twitter Account – you know, before she decided to become a full-time asshole.

[Wilbur: Transrights]

After Season 1 ended, Wilbur indulged pretty heavily in providing epitext for the Dream SMP, something he had not done prior to November 16th. His paratextual additions ranged from the playful, like assigning DnD alignments to various SMP members, to the extremely impactful, like the whole three lives system!

You probably think, you know where this is going. Wilbur provided some epitext about how Tommy and Techno either are or are not biologically related to him … and I have to be honest I thought that too. But then I began looking into the impenetrable web that is the SBI-canon on the Dream SMP and found this!

[Ghostbur explains family]

So, it wasn’t paratext, it was just straight text. Said in character, in canon, without any implication that we the viewers should question this. The text of the SBI family dynamic was explicitly linked to Dream SMP-exclusive lore, namely Fundy being Wilbur’s and Sally the Salmon’s son. This is as clear as Philza’s anguished declaration on November 16th in establishing the intertext as text. And because Wilbur also had a very heavy hand in the discussion of paratext around that time, it gave his character’s words even more “canonical” weight. Metatextually speaking, this very much read like the author giving exposition through his character – exposition that we should understand as reliable.

And, by the way, before I continue, I need to give a huge, huge shoutout to kateis-cakeis on tumblr, I hope I pronounced that right, who was just so quick in providing me with these crucial clips. Without him I would have looked for days because these people don’t archive their shit! And the Dream SMP Wiki was NO help, by the way! I love what you guys do, but stuff like this belongs in the Trivia section on characters’ pages!

Anyways, basically during the entirety of early Season 2 the SBI family dynamic was basically canon to the SMP. Sometimes it was only alluded implicitly, again letting the intertext fill out the rest.

[Philza clips]

But just as often it was just explicitly talked about – both in the text and in the paratext.

[Fundy clip/Wilbur “Twins” clip/Tommy clip]

So, I know what you’re thinking: “Why is this part called paratext, if the entire family tree is just textual”. Well, that last clip might give you a hint, as to what I will talk about. Notice how Tommy, one of the people most directly impacted by the canonization of SBI lore, is both unaware of and seems generally unenthused about it, to put it nicely? Well, that would soon turn out to be a much bigger deal than anyone could have imagined as he wasn’t the only one.

[Technoblade decanonizes SBI]

Yeah …

This happened on 20th of December. Regular viewers of this channel will remember that I put out a 90-second joke video, where I complain about this very development. And while I was mostly kidding around, the core idea is still true. The paratext provided by Technoblade and established text were in direct contradiction with one another – and that brought a lot of confusion into the fandom. Confusion, that would soon be followed by frustration.

Because Techno only decanonized himself as part of the SBI family dynamic – but what about Tommy and Tubbo, the latter of which was incorporated into the dynamic exclusively within the lore of the Dream SMP. Was this still canon or wasn’t it?

What followed was a muddled mess of contradictions, intertextual implications, text and paratext in conflict with each another. It was for the most part inscrutable to figure out how Tommy and Philza related to one another. I’ll spare you every comment made about this – mostly because I want to spare myself from looking for all of them.

In the end, the current status is that their familial relationship is … unclear. Philza said, again in paratext, that it’s ultimately up to the writers to decide, whether or not Tommy is his son … which, I personally think he and Tommy should be the ones to establish that, but I’ll come back to that later.

But why is all of this important anyway? Why would this ambiguity create such an uproar, such controversy – especially when it comes to Tommy’s character? What makes Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship such a target for discussion in the fandom?

Well … this is where we will have to talk about the storyline of Season 2.

Interlude II: Tommy’s Exile and Dadza in Season 2

Okay, Season 2. This is where the spoilers are, so I will just sneakily drop this again. It took me five seconds to google this gif and I will milk it for every penny it’s worth!

At the beginning of Season 2, Philza’s narrative role has not changed much from where Season 1 ended. He is in L’Manburg dispensing earthly wisdom, being a paternal figure to Fundy, Ghostbur and Tubbo, helping with the nation’s rebuilding efforts; just generally occupying the role of the mentor.

[clips]

And then came … the Exile. The Exile Arc took place between December 3rd and December 15th during Season 2 of the Dream SMP. It revolves around TommyInnit getting exiled from L’Manburg and slowly getting psychologically tortured and broken down by Dream. It’s a really great arc, at least in my opinion, that explores and deepens a lot of Tommy’s character relationships, whether that be Tommy and Dream, Tommy and Tubbo or Tommy and Ranboo. One relationship, however, is noticeably missing.

So, yeah, Philza spends basically the entirety of the exile doing pretty much nothing of consequence. And that’s not a problem specific to him – One big criticism I would levy against the Exile Arc is that a lot of characters are left spinning their wheels. Which is why we get zany stuff like El Rapids, Drywaters, Eret’s Knights of the Roundtable, Boomerville – anyone remember Boomerville, that was a thing for 5 seconds, wasn’t it? – basically a lot of storylines are started and then unceremoniously dropped. Now, I will talk more about this, when I make a video about Season 2 of the Dream SMP … in ten years, look forward to it.

In the case of Philza, this inaction was especially damning, because at this point it was still a considered canon that he was Tommy’s dad. So, the fans were left with a situation, where just a few weeks prior Philza was occupying a paternal role for Fundy and Ghostbur … but now, that his youngest son was in a very concerning predicament – to put it lightly – he was nowhere to be found.

So why is that?

Well, the most obvious answer is that Dream and Tommy didn’t write him into the storyline. We’ve seen that Tommy wasn’t particularly interested in exploring a familial relationship to Philza, at least at the time. And it would just not fit in with what Dream and Tommy tried to do with the Exile Arc: they wanted to tell the story of Tommy being isolated, completely under Dream’s mercy, slowly worn down and manipulated. If Philza had been constant presence for Tommy during that time, it would have definitely shifted the narrative focus. That doesn’t mean that they couldn’t have done that, it’s just a matter of fact that they didn’t.

This also reveals another truth about content creator Philza’s character work, that I think is extremely crucial: He takes what the writers give him. Outside of a few choice moments, he doesn’t seem particularly interested in expanding or even solidifying his character on the SMP.

What I’m saying is that he is very go-with-the-flow: Wilbur wants to enact a Shakespearean tragedy? Philza’s up for it. Fundy wants him as a parental figure and mentor? Philza’s here for him. Tommy, conversely, doesn’t want him as a paternal presence, even though it would make sense for Philza’s character, as it was established so far, to be there? Philza will oblige.

The reason I’m mentioning this is because, while Tommy and Dream were unwilling to utilise Philza in their storyline, someone else was more than happy to. Which leads us back, like it always does, to everyone’s favourite Porky Pig-kinnie in a crown: Technoblade.

Technoblade and Philza, from everything I’ve seen of them, seem to be very good friends – and they share a lot of history even outside SBI. So, it’s commendable that they would collaborate on a storyline together.

A consequence of that, however, is that Philza’s narrative purpose shifts completely with very little transition. His entire character changes from being the Mentor-figure of L’Manberg to being pretty much exclusively defined as Technoblade’s ally; his man on the inside. It is a very sharp turn from the end of Season 1. Their relationship is once again informed via intertext – this time the Antarctic Empire on SMPEarth serves as the hypotext – but there isn’t a huge effort made to smoothly integrate that aspect of Philza’s character into the larger narrative framing around him.

How much the narrative utilisation of Philza has shifted can be very easily observed through the Butcher Army event on December 16th, a story event that I like less and less the more I think about. Here Philza is used to show just how corrupt and violent Tubbo’s administration has becomes. He is no longer the respected mentor, he is now the stand-in for the oppressed populace, similar to Niki’s role in Season 1. On a narrative level, he is here to prove a point.

If you’ve seen my Technoblade video, you know how I feel about … just that entire storyline, so I will not reiterate too much on it. I just want to make clear that I’m not principally against this development – if they wanted to truly explore Tubbo going down a dark path and getting corrupted by power, so much so that he would even treat the person who effectively raised him like a prisoner, I would be extremely here for it, I cannot stress that enough.

The problem I have is that it’s just so sloppily done. It is not coherent with how these characters behaved and, more importantly, how they were narratively framed prior to the Butcher Army event. Fundy gets one token line about Phil being his Grandfather – a far cry from the very emotionally complex relationship they had established at the beginning of Season 2 – and Phil then callously disowns him.

The major problem simply is that we don’t see how Philza changes from Mentor-figure to embittered, oppressed citizen. And there was enough time to build to that. During the entirety of Tommy’s exile Tubbo was pretty much spinning his wheels and Quackity and Fundy were opening up plot cul-de-sacs that didn’t end up going anywhere. This is time they could have spent on developing their relationship to Philza and the dark path they were going down – but again, Season 2 video.

There is not much to say on Philza’s narrative purpose and framing beyond the Butcher Army event. He remains pretty much exclusively Techno’s consigliere with his role as Mentor to L’Manburg a distant memory. He has some cute character moments with Ranboo, because content creator Philza is just big dad-energy whether he wants to or not, and whenever he and Ghostbur share a scene suddenly the narrative remembers that there are people other than Technoblade that should exist in Philza’s inner world. But aside from that, Philza’s storyline in Season 2 remains … pretty definitive is the nicest way I can put it.

Most importantly his relationship with Tommy continues to be completely unexplored – whether by chance or choice – and that combined with ever vaguer paratext leaves “Dadza” in a very peculiar situation.

 Conclusion: Is Dadza a Good Dadza?

So, the question to end all questions. The big, obnoxious text, that I will probably have put in the thumbnail – I haven’t made it yet, but I know myself. The honest answer is: I couldn’t tell you.

I have, in the past, been expounding the virtues of narrative analysis. That is because I feel that Narrative Analysis and Textual Analysis, like in this video, can provide certain tools that Character Analysis lacks. Often times I see people trying to get at a writing problem or query and getting frustrated because they’re not using the toolset, they need to figure out what they want to figure out.

But I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended like everything could be solved through the modes of analysis I prefer. And I think the Dadza-issue is exactly such a case.

I set out to explore why the Philza-Tommy-“Dadza”-relationship has become so controversial. It’s a combination of expectations build up through intertextual readings, that were partly canonized – something that is very common for the Dream SMP – conflicting pieces of paratext, which only serve to muddle the issue further and a text that is not only completely uninterested in actually exploring Tommy’s and Philza’s relationship – as it stands right now they might as well be strangers, narratively speaking – but also completely changes Philza’s narrative purpose as it relates to characters like Fundy or Tubbo about half-way through with little to no transition.

That is why I say, that Philza’s character is a victim of narrative circumstance. Because unwittingly, through all of these factors and decisions, there is not coherent reading of Philza that frames his parental skills in a particularly kind light.

The question of how we can judge Phil as a paternal figure ultimately falls within the purview of the character analysis – and that’s a very multifaceted issue, highly dependent on which POV you focus on and how you interpret the other characters in that POV’s periphery.

To put my cards on the table, I think that Philza is a very flawed father/father-figure – and I find that absolutely okay. Flaws are the spice of character building. He is not Cinderella’s Evil Stepmother – but he’s also definitely not Mufasa. If we were to read Philza as a paternal figure, then he would have made a lot of mistakes and decisions to the detriment of his “children” – least of all everything that happened on Doomsday.

But I also have sympathies for Philza fans who are tired of the Dad-Debate and would like to have his character judged independent from his relationship to Ghostbur, Fundy, Tubbo and Tommy.

Ultimately, to bring it all to a point, I’d like to end with saying, that I think that Philza, out of all the characters on the SMP, has the potential to be on of the most intriguing, multifaceted ones. There are all of these different patches of story, character moments and narrative and transtextual implications, that, if brought together, could create a beautiful tapestry of the character Philza.

You have his relationship with Techno, which holds the potential for so much emotional conflict and vulnerabilities, you have his time as mentor of L’Manburg, which is just criminally underused; the complex relationship between him and Ghostbur/Wilbur; and – for me, personally – most intriguingly this weird, almost uncomfortably distant non-relationship with Tommy. That last one is intriguing to me, because it contrasts just so much with our intertextual understanding of the characters and streaming personas – and it just holds the potential for so much conflict, so much drama, so much angst. Which I live for!

And, yes, I do believe that most of this is narrative happenstance, that this was largely not intended by Philza or really any of the writers. It’s just what happens when hybrid-roleplay-improv a long-running, livestreamed storyline in Minecraft.

But I want them to realize the potential they have on their hands, because it could – with barely any adjustments – turn Philza from a victim of narrative circumstance to a champion of it!

 Outro

Thank you so much for watching this video. Usually, I don’t record outros this standard, but after this beast of a video I felt it necessary. I hope that whether you’re a Philza fan or a Philza critical or just completely uninvolved in the whole thing, there is at least a little entertainment you could get from this.

I want to take this opportunity to say that my next few videos will probably not be Dream SMP related – a sentence which undoubtedly lost me a bunch of subs – simply because I don’t want to burn out on it. I genuinely enjoy watching the SMP and being exhausted by it would be something I wouldn’t want to force on myself.

But who knows what will happen? The Karl Jacobs video was something I did spur of the moment because the idea just came to me – so I can’t guarantee that the next video won’t be a three-minute joke about Purpled or whatever.

Anyway, my concrete plans for future Dream SMP videos are essays on Season 1 and Season 2 as well as one for Tales from the SMP.

Before that I have a longer video in the works, which I’ve already teased a bunch, so I hope it will finally be finished sometime. And I also may be working on something … eboys-related? Maybe. I’m not making any promises!

[artificialqueens]

A Series Of Mutual Feelings, 1/3 (Scarjah) - Pazinae

chapter 1: i hate u (and the feelings mutual)

Chapter Summary: Ra'jah is determined to have a fresh start and be a better person, now enrolled as a first year fashion school student- but Scarlet has a way of always making her newfound plans falter. With a rocky high school history, the (not so) fortuitous pair endure some mutual hatred

A/N: enemies 2 luvers scarjah everyone xoxo meant to be a oneshot, but got a little carried away n my doc for this is currently 19 pages long ahaha so to be more palatable it will be a 4 chapter story (its says 3, but you'll see). this one is mainly the intro for the story to understand where they're at emotionally in the present, and is mostly ra'jah centric on her growth + kylie friendship fluff bc theyre the cutest, and a bit of scarlet pov. feedback super super welcome, enjoy !!! 

***

Scarlet strode down the hall with a sway in her hips, her heels clacking on the laminate floor. What kind of tacky ass bitch wears heels to school anyways? Ra'jah scoffed internally, watched the girl saunter like she's on a tightrope, each tantalizing step brought her foot exactly in front of the other. Her body fell into a rhythm, stomping the fucking campus like a lion stalking the jungle for the sheer fun of watching it’s prey scamper. Scarlet's bouncing skirt, her signature grin and luscious ginger curls sprouting out her scalp made her gag. And not in the stunning way. Just as quickly as she came she was gone, and, to be fair, she was just another girl sandwiched in the masses just getting to where she’s going. But she could pluck that arrogant little redhead bitch out of any crowd. Not a conscious choice of course, hell, being reminded of her sheer presence causes a battle of trying not to roll her eyes behind her skull. She can't help that she sees her. Not when Scarlet's lips are painted the same shade of bold crimson as the tight, sleeveless top she's wearing, like a fresh drop of blood in a sea of grey clad bodies swimming around in their hoodies.

This isn't high school anymore Ra'jah. A repetitive reminder that needs to be said evermore until it's understood at her core. Because It's different now, she knows that- it has to be. No fucking way are her dreams going to get caught up in everything again, they're too big to be put at stake. She can't live just to be like that again, and this time she's too grown to waste her time on useless people. High school was a bubble, a 4 year trance that she's left and is more than ready to forget about. 

"Hey, Ra'jah!" That southern, velvety voice could only belong to one stunning woman. She turned around to spot her speed walking to catch up. 

"Aye! Kylie!" Ra'jah stopped and gave a little wave as Kylie approached, her highlight shining even in the shitty indoor light. The two moved over to the side of the hall, and leaned against the wall. "If it isn't Miss Kylie Sonique Love," With such a pleasing name, Ra'jah doesn't think she will, or, really can ever get tired of saying the other girl's name. "What's up?"

"Nothin', just tired as fuck," It's kinda cute, the way her accent gets stronger when she's grumpy. "I'mma pass out at some point, I did not get enough sleep." Even as a grumble her voice is so soft and angelic, Ra'jah could probably fall asleep to the blonde reading true crime murder stories. 

"Goddamn, it sure as hell doesn't show!" Which is true, Kylie was as effervescent as always, any visible messy hair from under her beanie looked intentional. Even in her oversized t-shirt and shorts, there was an undeniable, captivating charm about her that made it impossible for her to look bad "You look gorgeous girl" 

"Awh, thanks honey," She smiles a soft, hazy smile. "You don't look too bad yourself." She hums, eyeing her up with a grin. Before she could even argue a response, the country girl quickly perks up and slaps her hand on Ra'jah's shoulder in excitement. "Oh also! I want your opinion- I'm thinking about dying my hair pink." She can see the visible sparkle in the pair of eyes looking at hers. "Thoughts?" She asks, voice becoming giddy "Oooh bitch! You better, that'd be so fierce!" The (mostly) purple haired girl exclaimed, delight evident in her voice "For real, you'd look so good. And you know, ba-BY" she claps her hands together just for added emphasis, "I support ALL the impulsive hair decisions".

"Yess, obviously I want input only from bad bitches with the best hair"

"I told you I did these myself right?" she asked, running her shoulder length hair through her twirling fingers. "I've been really into doing hair recently"

"Wait, really? It looks so pretty, the fade to purple is so good"

"What'd you mean 'wait really' hoe, what you implying 'bout my hair skills?" 

"Just that a talented woman like you should share your expertise!" Even when she was loud her voice was just as comforting, the tone reminiscent of a silk blanket on her skin

"All it took for me was bleach, a bottle of violet Arctic Fox dye, and the holy spirit of Brad Mondo"

"First of all I'm not trusting no mans named Brad," Ra'jah cackled a little because, yeah that's fair. "And secondly, if you're free, come an' help a girl out then!

"You're inviting me over? Wow we're moving kinda fast Kylie" 

"Oh shut up bitch" but the undying twinkle in her eye confirmed the unsaid agreement that Ra'jah would be doing Kylie's hair, at some point.

"I'm free on Thursday, can I visit then?"

"Yea that works" She smiled, and the closeness between the two wasn't something the taller girl ever planned, or really felt before. But she had it now, a friend she really cares about, and she never wanted to lose it.

"Shit what time is it?" Even in her Shitty Human era she was still a timely gal, her mother didn't raise no late hoe. "Don't stress it Raj, we have like 15 minutes. Introduction to drafting and sewing, right?"

"Yes ma'am. Wanna start going?" "Sure thing" This year is for a new start, making new friends, and getting a chance to create new first impressions. Rebrand herself y'know, and the hindrance that is Scarlet's existence, wrapped in all the ancient things she'd rather not think about, won't stop her.

The walk to class was a pleasant blur. With Kylie yawning and walking essentially shoulder to shoulder with Ra'jah had they been the same height, they slipped into both  comfortable conversation, and silence. With all the noise around them, their presence brought an ease without any awkwardness. 

 A trek opted through the outdoor route that was albeit a tad longer, provided some well needed greenery and fresh air.

"You excited for class?" Ra'jah asked, only half aware of where she was walking to. Her body was on autopilot, and Kylie knows the way, probably.  

"You're amazing if you can get excited by class"

"It's fun!"

"Only 'cause you're good at it"

"You're good at it"

"You know what I mean. Isn't this one your favorite?" 

"It's not my favorite" 

"Uh huh"

"I just like it a lot. Maybee essentially jus' cause I don't hafta try" It was a mandatory course, but Ra'jah's not complaining. Perhaps it's a little vain to enjoy something just to remind everyone you can do it, but it was an easy break from the rest of the courses. And a nice little egoboost.

"So I'm right!" 

"C'mon it's October and we're still on basic techniques"

"It's called introductory," She remarked. "Do you even pay attention half the time?"

"No but bitch neither do you"

"True" Kylie grinned in agreement.

"The way you're coming for me but it's easy for you too!" She hasn't been sewing as long as Ra'jah, but she has great taste so it really balanced out. "And let it be known that I use that class time to think about incredibly productive things"

"Oh that's her name?"

"What?" She didn't mean for her tone to drop. Didn't mean for her legs to stop walking, planting themselves into the cement. Didn't mean for the smile on her face to plummet at the implication. Her visceral reaction was louder than the cluelessness she gave off.  

"Calm down" She giggled, as if Ra'jah's reaction woke her up from her grogginess, her breathlessness equivalent to a shot of espresso for Kylie. "You just seem really occupied sometimes is what I meant"

"Me? No I'm not" She couldn't convince herself.

"Okay babe. The models of your fashion sketches just look a little reminiscent"  

"You know Scarlet isn't the only person with ginger hair right?" Ra'jah bites back, the condescending tone not her intention, but not exactly unwanted in the moment. Scarlet is insufferable, she doesn't want her own name slandered is all, being associated with the arrogant shit.

"Baby, I ain't mention Scarlet. That's all you.'' She had a shit eating smirk and maybe Ra'jah takes everything back about how nice friends are. IF there was inspiration, Scarlet is objectively nice looking so it's not a big deal there might be similarities if you squint.  

"She was implied" 

"If you want her to be"

They get inside and take a seat at one of the large tables, divided into stations with a sewing machine and some material at each one. Ra'jah takes a spot at the edge, with Kylie seated to her right. 

 On paper, it's all been planned out for Ra'jah; during her strolls between classes she'll take in all her surroundings and actively look for inspiration, pondering all the natural shapes and patterns of the world in a way she can manipulate into clothing. On paper, she'll make the most out of the introductory class, sketching designs between the minimal notes and sewing practices. On paper, she'll finish the mornings class with ease and have extra time to practice some new things. 

In reality? Paper is flimsy, especially when its accountability is held by a fleeting mind. It's hard to bask in the world when unwanted questions plague her head. Mostly revolving around a certain redhead. God, fuck her. Fuck her pretty eyes and fuck her sculpted face and fuck her euphonious voice. Does everyone who sees Ra'jah see her patheticness? How she allowed some cunt to infiltrate her mind, set up home in her head and take up all the space? Let her infect every cell in the brain like a parasite until her skull is nothing but an infiltrated shell for an infestation caught up with infatuation?

"Ra'jah, you good?"  The girl sat across from her, Trinity, piped up, and Ra'jah had to bite back a smile. The icy, timid girl she met just a few weeks ago was starting the conversation.

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You just looked a little spaced out" 

"Nah, it's just that this class is a breeze an' I'm just thinking about a project for another class" 

"Mmm"

"Plus it's hard to just think of designs when there's no inspiration"

"I mean, we're supposed to practice gathering and making ruffles right now"

"Oh shit! We are?"

"Yeah girl!" Ra'jah, shaking her head at herself, finally picked up some of the fabric around her and got to work. "You'll be alright?"

"Oh don't worry about me! I'm all good"

"Okayyy if you need anything just yell" Ra'jah replied with a hum and a nod. Watching the girl running the fabric under the machine, memories of the first time they'd talked flashed, days of the nearly silent girl feeling so distant.

  "I really like your earrings" The girl raised her head, looking left and right a little as if making sure it was directed at her. 

"Thanks." She mumbled, vaguely looking at Ra'jah's direction. 

"If you don't mind, where'd you get them?"

"Uh, I thrifted it."

"Oh, cool" Ra'jah smiled, before quickly adding "Thanks". The raven haired girl didn't reply. The start of the intriguing game of 'does she hate me, is she shy, or both?' 

   After all the awkward attempts made for the quiet girl to be comfortable and maybe make a friend, a sense of pride rang through her. She met Kylie and Trinity here a mere month ago, and yeah, maybe she could be nice. She could walk the fineline of warm socialization without being annoying. The new Ra'jah doesn't do unnecessary mean quips just for the sake of a little power rush. She can be authentically her while being polite. New Ra'jah makes friends- not enemies. 

"Oh by the way" Ra'jah snapped her head up at Trinity's voice 

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I know it's a little random but do you know what you're gonna be for Halloween?"

"Huh. Well, I haven't really thought about it" Ra'jah remarked, "I just don't care for Halloween and all that"

"Really? Girl, you're not gonna do anything, dress up, go out, nothing?"

"Baby all that work and money for some costume I'll wear once? No ma'am- and the fuck will I do, I barely have ideas for school!"

"Hey, you could wear anything and it's a costume. Wear a black dress, you're a cat"

"You think I'm that basic?"

"Yeah?"

 "Fuck you" She snorted, and Trinity had a goofy smile, looking at Ra'jah with a sense of familiar fondness. "And thanks, really, but I don't care for all that spooky shit anyways"

"Damn, alright!" Teeth out and all, she laughed. The blonde on the right leaned in a little, a pleasant opposition of Trinity's hesitation is Kylie's eagerness

"Jesus Ra'jah, what did Halloween do to you?" The southern girl butts in. "You could dress as the grinch of Halloween, steal children's candy" 

"You know what, yeah, I'll be a sluttified grinch"

"You're kinda built the same already" Trinity joins with a grin

"Hey!"

"Sluttified? Are you implying the grinch isn't sexy enough?" Ra'jah choked a little at that, found herself smiling with some dopey content, at what exactly she's not sure. 

"Do ya'll think being the grinch would count as like, being a furry?" Trinity asked, voice dripping in an odd amount of seriousness. 

"What? Baby no" Kylie jumped in. "Yes! absolutely, how would it NOT?" Trinity argues, and maybe it's the easiness of everything.  Of how nice it is to just fall into banter when you let people in. Bouncing off the two girls, she doesn't need to think of how to be funny, how to one up herself, remind everyone of why she's worthy. She can just, be. And that warrants a smile. 

With Ra'jah's elbow propped on the table, she rested her cheek against her palm to face forward, before turning a little to face Trinity

"But why do ya ask Trin? About Halloween"

"Oh, kinda last minute but I just want some ideas to figure mine out" She shrugs, and Kylie leans over once more. It's a little heartwarming, how physically close she always instinctively wants to be. 

"Oh! Are you going to the Halloween party this weekend?"

"Nah parties aren't really my thing"

"Awh, but it'll be fun!"

"Yeah standing in a mass of people I won't talk to will be so fun"

"Fine- Ra'jah, are you goin'?" Rajah turns her head to follow the voices like a cat keeping up with a beam of light. 

"Uh..."

"RIGHT, forgot, Halloween's not your thing". A party where she can have a disguise, let loose and have fun. It feels almost embarrassing to admit to her newfound friends that she's never been to a party, and the thought of a Halloween party didn't even cross her mind. Maybe Halloween isn't not her thing, it's just not something she'd indulge in. For reasons. Like, schoolwork. 

"Welllllll…" Ra'jah hummed, dragging on with a small grin

"OH the prospect of partying changes things huh?" 

"You know, me an' Halloween, we complicated okay!" They laugh, but Ra'jah's left thinking. New or old Ra'jah both, spends a little too much time in the internal realm of the brain. 

The class falls silent except the murmurs of the buzzing machines, and the three chatter in whispers. Although usually it's mostly her and Kylie with occasional injections of confirmation from Trinity

"You're insane if you think spaghettini is better than fettuccine" Kylie protested "Spaghettini is literally the objective worst"

"Says who?!" Ra'jah paused sewing to look up at Kylie in defiance

"Me!"

"Trinity which is better" 

"Huh? Ya'll It's too early for this." Trinity complained.

"Oh, says the bitch who asked if the grinch was a furry" Ra'jah retorted, but Trinity brushed her off to look at Kylie "Oh wait! Also, Kylie, what're you gonna be for Halloween?" She gave a little snicker before answering 

"Don't come for me but honestly? Was thinking about being a cat" 

"AAAAAH!" Ra'jah and Trinity erupted laughing.

"But like, a hot one okay!" Ra'jah quickly tried to redeem herself.

"You'll be the hottest ass cat around" Plus, worse comes to worst, Ra'jah will be a witch or something, and they can be hot and basic together. 

When the class ended, they packed their things, and exchanged their goodbyes

"I'll see y'all around!"

"See you! Good luck on your textile project Trin" 

"Thanks!" She waved, yelling a final "Bye!" 

"Bye!" The three part, and Ra'jah makes her way to her second class. History of costume and design was next, and quickly weighing it out, she decided to take a quicker path through the halls. Suddenly, the weight of a body knocked at her side, the two stumbling around for a few seconds. A gust of papers had fallen from both parties' arms, and landed on the floor.

"Oh shit! I'm so-" Scarlet cuts herself off when she looks up at whom she's bumped into.

"Maybe watch where you're going" Ra'jah snorts out of sheer instinct, squatting down to gather her papers where Scarlet follows suit, just a little too close. The vague, sweet scent of strawberries she gives off is suffocating.

"Maybe if you weren't such a stuck up cunt taking up half the hallway I wouldn't hit you" The attention sends a masochistic jolt down her spine

"Uh oh someone's in a bad mood. Stuck up cunt that's a new one! Love the creativity. You should drop out of this school and be a writer" As much as she screamed internally to just shut the fuck up and get your things, it was so easy to slip back to this.

"Thanks but I'm good! When you fail out this year you can give it a try"

"Baby, me? Fail out?" Please don't imply that. Please don't make me doubt that I can and deserve to be here. I don't want to seek approval from others, but I can't help but be hurt at disapproval. Of course, her thoughts don't verbalize as the words that come out of her mouth. "That's a lot of talk for a girl who probably spends more hours getting fucked than studying" Before she can think it through, process the flash of hurt on her face and the way her fingers tense around the last piece of paper, before Ra'jah can really understand the weight of her own words she continues. "But I guess that's how you get yo' A's right?"

Their exchanges were in aggressive whispers, hushed to anyone above them. To most people, they'd find a sight of two girls muttering to one another while they pick up some things they've dropped.

"You're so much prettier when you're quiet" Scarlet huffed, standing up in one swift motion. Those words aren't a compliment. Like, at all. So why does Ra'jah's dumb, twisted heart stop for a second? The implied connection of herself and 'pretty' slows her body and slurs her mind until she's pushing herself up off the ground in slow motion. It's been so many months of mundanity, the small interaction felt all so familiar and foreign and exciting at the same time.But the haziness of her words and their little games makes her forget for a second of what the fuck just happened, and a wave of patheticness washed over her as she started to walk, eyes focused at the cream walls. For all her hemming and hawing, Ra'jah hasn't. Fucking. Changed. 

A rush of everything dives into her guts, a sick adrenaline coated in dread, self loathing and the slight urge to cry, nestling in her stomach like a bird claiming a branch as it's home. Her skin was electric, and she hated to admit she loved it, the thrill of interacting with her, cattiness and all. Imagine feeling this much from fucking bumping into someone? Fingers clenched, nails digging in her own palms at how much she hates her. Intense emotions are a high of their own, and Ra'jah can't help but indulge. The piercing sting of her flesh being pressed in with her nails is intensified as she listens for the faint voice of that lanky girl always accompanying Scarlet. 

"You good Scarlet?"

"Yeah, thanks" She can't look back, but she can't help but wonder- are they hugging? Holding hands? It doesn't- it shouldn't matter to her. The fun amusement pales in comparison to the misery settling in. The realization that she's fighting with Scarlet like they're 16 at the back of English class.

Of all the schools, why'd that girl have to come here? Of all the things to pursue, why the same as herself? Of all the people, why'd it have to be her? Ra'jah didn't have the audacity to explore the last question. What she means, she's not too sure. The only thing in the world she's sure of is that she can't be both New Ra'jah™ and Old Ra'jah™ to different people. The line between the two existences isn't so bold anymore, and painting over the bumps isn't as effective as she'd hoped. 

  ***

  Truth be told, watching herself move around in skirts was one of her favorite things- just about tied with watching others watch her. Maybe that's why she joined cheer in highschool. Especially with the support from (or, lack of thereof) a certain grimacing purple haired girl, a runaway model from a fashion show who wound up wandering this school. She never needed to turn and look, didn't need sight to know there's a burn at her back, nor who it's radiating from. Scarlet always walked with just a bit of a straighter back, just a bit more purpose, and just a bit more stride in her step when her favorite pair of wandering eyes were around. A small part of her always wants to turn around, catch her gaze and watch her frantically look away and pretend she's talking to someone. Or maybe she'll hold it, stare back with just as much intensity. But her wistful attention is enough of an ego boost. The scowl ridden bitch, smile washed away just for her, and yet that's where her attention lied. It made her bite back a smile. 

Scarlet is a pretty thing, and she didn't need constant confirmation to remind her that she's beautiful. She's hot, she knows it, Ra'jah knows it, and Scarlet knows that's all she is to her. A pretty thing. Whatever. She's not important. 

In fear of her brain melting, and/or being fried to a crisp, Scarlet doesn't bother having two classes back to back. Her mental capacity is full, and a nice salad will probably help with that. She's on her way to meet with Yvie for lunch, thinking about their weekend plans, when she takes a misstep and stumbles, all her weight focused in her shoulder which slams against someone else's side.

"Oh shit! I'm so-" the universe is an asshole. May the odds never be in my favor. 

"Maybe watch where you're going" Her sneer is venomous, and the universe has suddenly become just the second biggest asshole. 

"Maybe if you weren't such a stuck up cunt taking up half the hallway I wouldn't hit you" Ra'jah didn't do anything, a rational voice lectures, but she ignores it the way she's ignoring the taller girls face. Scarlet's grabbing at her papers, avoiding eye contact because that selfish pile of shit on her right takes up enough space as is, and if she looks into her eyes, sees that stupid fucking face this close she might do something bad. Like, in the sense of, punching her. Yeah, she can't look at her or she'll beat her up. Because that's a fight she'd win.  

"Uh oh someone's in a bad mood. Stuck up cunt that's a new one! Love the creativity. You should drop out of this school and be a writer" Ra'jah snides, and she needs to drop out before Scarlet gets grey hair from her. 

"Thanks but I'm good! When you fail out this year you can give it a try" Her words are about as empty as her own stomach, because she hasn't eaten since last night, and Ra'jah will quit fashion school and become a science engineer before she fails out. 

"Baby, me? Fail out?" Yeah, with the flawless outfit you're wearing that you sure as hell made just because you were bored one night. Your pants could literally be sold as a luxury brand. The girl who started sewing when she a embryo in the womb, you'll fucking fail out.  "That's a lot of talk for a girl who probably spends more hours getting fucked than studying- But I guess that's how you get yo' A's right?" Scarlet looks up, not at Ra'jah but away from the ground, and the urge to yell, hit her, and cry come up at the same time. She wants to scream, get everyone in hearing range to know that Ra'jah is a loser who will amount to nothing. She wants to reach out and choke her. But articulating her anger into words is too much, and she ends up just whispering whatever words are willing to come out as she gets up, not caring if she left any papers behind. 

"You're so much prettier when you're quiet" And that's the closest thing to honest Scarlet's said all day. 

In the distance, she sees Yvie walking towards her, so she waits until the freshly dyed green haired girl is caught up beside her. 

"You good Scarlet?" 

"Yeah, thanks" The two walk together, side by side, and Scarlet loops her arm through Yvie's, linking the pair. 

"You know, Scarlie, you should stop wearing heels before you break your ankles"

"Hey!" She giggled, slapping the taller girl's arm in response. "I never fall, people just get in my way" Yvie scoffs, unable to stop the corners of her lips turning up and giving her away, forever endeared by the shorter girl. Scarlet's affection makes her forget that they've only known each other for a month. They reach a set of blue doors, and Yvie opens it, holding it for Scarlet to come through. Her face seems puzzled 

"Are you down to go to Mika's Cafe? I want to get some coffee" 

"Sure, they have nice breakfast sandwiches and omelettes, I'm down" It's only a few minutes away from campus 

"What's on your mind"

"Just like, school stuff. I have to make a dress for creative fashion design, and I'm just thinking about it, and what I wanna do" Would it be tmi to blurt that Ra'jah is insufferable? 

"Cool," Yvie hummed, and spiteful words cycled through Scarlet's head, deciding on what exactly to say, before Yvie beats her to it, whipping her head in some seeming urgency

 "OH by the way, I know you're busy with your project and you're determined on getting in the top 5 and all," 

"Uh huh" 

"Buuuuut, there's a Halloween party this weekend, and I was gonna go with Brooke and her friends but they're not going anymore," Scarlet knows how Yvie feels about Brooke, and to be fair she's only met her a few times in passing, but how someone like Yvie could fall for someone as uptight as the boring blonde is beyond her. She doesn't dare bring up another possibility of why her dorm mate would be avoiding the stoic girl, a possibility involving a particularly hot headed latina glued to the Canadians side. "They decided clubbing downtown would be more fun or whatever," They're outside on the pavement now, and the afternoon breeze graces their skin. It's a welcome environment, and Scarlet slows down her pace to enjoy the air, with Yvie quickly matching her pace. 

"Wouldn't you rather go clubbing though? Like not with Brooke and them but with others," Scarlet is friendly and all, but she swears Yvie is somehow friends with half the school. She sure as hell can find a group to go with.

"I guess, but I want to go to the party," she quiets a little as she continues, "There are some people I want to see there, for fun and stuff"

"Mmmm!" Scarlet widens her eyes, looking at the taller girl with a knowing glare, sprinkled with a teeny bit of judgement. 

"It's kinda lame to go there alone!" 

"No it's not!" 

"Scarls, yeah it is"

"Why do you even care? Wanna impress some girls?" In response, Yvie rolled her eyes so hard Scarlet could practically feel it. 

"'Cause you want me to go to a fun Halloween party by myself? 

"Yes! You could walk up to anyone and there's like an 80% chance you already know them, and a 100% chance you'll become friends anyways" The quirky girl's charm is undeniable, she'll be fine without Scarlet. Yvie gives a defeated sigh

"Seems kinda homophobic" 

"Ugh you know what's actually homophobic? The fact that more people aren't madly in love with me. I'm LITERALLY perfect" The prospect of love feels like it's been dangled infront of her, her whole life. Imagine looking like Scarlet, and never dated before?

"You're right girl, you are" Yvie laughed her deep, hearty cackle and Scarlet wanted to melt a little. 

"Thank you, finally someone with taste" Looking at her outfit, she remembers that the tall girl's taste is kind of debatable, and Scarlet almost wants to say she takes it back

"You think Ra'jah has good taste then?" 

"What?" 

"Also a party seems like the best way to meet more people y'know?" She brushes over her last question, and it's much better that way.

"You know what, whatever 'll go with you" Scarlet agrees so she'll shut up. If she hears her roommate bring up she-who-shall-not-be-named-because-shes-a-stick-in-the-ass anymore she might lose her mind. And, she really doesn't have any other plans for the night so might as well.

 ***

AN: going to be a while for the next chapter bc im busy so here's a lil thing lol xo

***

They weren't supposed to meet here. Weren't supposed to see each other. At least, that's what Scarlet tries to tell herself.

"You are such a fucking pain, oh my god" Scarlet seethed because everything is hazy except the impassive girl standing before her and she can't think straight. Her cold eyes are apathetic and Scarlet wants to implode, like a glass thermostat engulfed in a burning heat where it's not a question of if, but an inevitable when? "Maybe I am arrogant" Her voice was coated in a sickly sweet frustration. She pushed further into Ra'jah's space, the taller girl stiffening at the ever decreasing space between the two. How can she be so still, so unreactive? This is all so amusing to her? Is she having fun, so fucking detached from everything and watching Scarlet crumble? Pretending like she cares about Scarlet past her pretty face? Enjoying her sadistic game? Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her. 

"Maybe I am narcissistic" Their faces were inches apart, and Ra'jah could feel the angry womans hot breathe on her cheek, the pungent smell of alcohol intruding her nose.

"But I'd rather be a confident, arrogant narcissist than whatever kind of sad fuck you are" 

Scarlet growled, and she wanted to breathe fire, burn Ra'jah's existence out of her mind and scream at everything she felt because of her. Except that she sees her, and wants her, wants to hurt her and touch her and without thinking her hands are digging around Ra'jah's waist.

"You are such-" Scarlet was interrupted as the other girl leaned in, framed the shorter girl's face with both her hands, and pressed her lips against Scarlets. Any thoughts or mental functionality she had were put to an abrupt stop. This wasn't supposed to happen. It's been so long, but no time has passed since they were last like this. The plug to her brain was pulled, and it's all static and her bodys done a full 180. Ra'jah's piercing lips are numbing, and her overheated body feels like it's been dunked in ice where all her nerves are all in shock. They weren't supposed to do this anymore, it's the only thing they've ever been able to agree on. She was frozen, unable to move, or think, far too busy being hyper focused on the familiar sugary lips on hers, sending waves of nostalgia through her body. Time has only heighted the intoxication. She gains some composure and surges forward, but Ra'jah's pulling away, opening her mouth to finally say something.

"You're so much prettier when you're quiet"

[resident-fungi-fren]

A Rose By Any Other Name

Summary: Janus is named after the roman god of beginnings. That’s not a coincidence. After the events of POF, he decides to start over, and erase everyone’s memories of him. He’ll start over, and this time, he’ll get everything right. 

Ships: it hints at anxceit, but nothin concrete yet

Warnings: suicidal thoughts? in a way?? wanting to be erased, insanity mention, if there are any others let me know

Chapter 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Patton,

If you ever read this letter, I’m sorry. It means something went wrong with the wipe, and I probably erased myself from existence or something, I’m really not sure how that would work. But I just want you to know, I don’t blame you for what I’m doing. You’ve tried, and that really means a lot to me. I think that given time, we really could have been friends, but I don’t have time, and too much has been said for us to move forward. But that’s why I have to do this. Truthfully, it’s for Thomas first. He’ll never truly accept a dark side, or trust one, and I need him to listen to me, it’s for his own good.

But I suppose, deep down, I know my reasons are a little more selfish. I don’t want to be hated. I need another chance. I can fix things with Virgil, with Roman, and none of you will hate me this time around. I’ll be more than the liar, the snake, the villain. I can be good, Patton. I hope you understand. I’ll see you on the other side.

Yours,

Janus

The letters he kept locked in a box, one he hid in his corner of the Mindscape. He kept it with Thomas’s deepest desires, the ones only he saw and knew. No one else came here, and he was fairly certain that it would remain unchanged after he… well.

His final words said, he returned to his room, and settled down for the last few minutes of his old life. He felt things shifting in the Mindscape, and with a deep breath, he shattered.

His room fractured around him, the walls shaking and splintering.

“JANUS! WHATS HAPPENING-“ The voice, Patton’s probably, tried to come in, but the doorknob was gone. The door was fading, and the walls were smearing together. Janus lied back, feeling his edges grow softer as Thomas’s mind picked him apart. Hopefully Patton wasn’t to hurt by his actions.

It felt like forever, and yet only seconds before the process was over. All of a sudden he felt himself snap back into place. Except, things felt different. He was different. Did that mean it worked? He sat up and looked around his room. The walls were bare, except for a large mirror across from the bed. He stood up and walked over to the mirror. A gasp escaped him as he saw it. Or rather, didn’t see it.

His scales were gone. His scar, the fang, the snake nostril, all gone. He looked just like any other side, except his one eye was still yellow. But it was a human eye. He didn’t look like a monster anymore. He looked, well, normal. His cape and hat were replaced with a soft yellow sweater with a rose on it, and a white beanie. Instead of his gloves, his hands were covered in pictures. Roses, each with a lightly glowing center. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but at least it wasn’t scales.

There was one more thing he needed to know though to learn if his plan truly worked. He steeled himself, and walked over to the door. He grasped the doorknob and turned it, pulling the door open. He looked out and saw Patton standing outside his door, tears running down his cheeks.

“Hel-hello? Why are you crying?” He stepped out, and Patton startled, as if he hadn’t noticed Janus.

“I, um, I can’t really remember.” He wiped his face with the back of his hand and smiled brightly at the yellow side. “You must be a new side! I’m Patton, and I’m Thomas’s morality! What’s your name kiddo?” The quick switch startled him, and he made a mental note to talk to Patton about that during this life.

“I haven’t picked a name,” he lied smoothly, guess he hadn’t changed too much. “But I’m his desire, so you can call me Dee for now.” Patton smiled wider, and opened his arms up.

“Can I give you a welcome hug? It’s customary.” Janus nodded, and the fatherly side wrapped his arms around him. The hug was warm, and just the right amount of pressure. He hadn’t ever gotten a hug quite like this before, and he hadn’t realized how much he needed it.

Far too soon, Patton pulled away. “It’s nice to meet you Dee! Let’s go introduce you to the other sides! You’ll see, they’re really sweet. It’s a real treat to know them!” Without another word, Patton pulled him along the corridor and down the stairs. “Look who I found!”

The others were gathered in the living room, Virgil in the armchair, Roman standing, his arms out in an emphatic gesture, and Logan on the couch. They all turned, and eyebrows raised as they took in the pair.

“Well now we know what that disturbance was. It seems our family is a little bigger now!” Roman straitened up and put on his most dashing smile. Janus had seen it a dozen times, but never directed at him. It felt good.

“Guys, this is Dee, Thomas’s Desire! I was in the hallway when his door just popped up!”

“Salutations, I am Logan, Thomas’s Logic.”

“Greetings! I am Prince Roman, his creativity! Well, the better half of it anyway.”

“Sup, I’m Virgil, I’m anxiety.”

And there he was. He still took his breath away. Virgil, his emo, sitting there and smirking at him, not a trace of malice in his eyes. How long had he waited to see that? And now he had it, had his second chance.

“And you already know me! Oh, also there’s one more side. Remus, the other half of creativity.” The energy in the room dropped once Remus was mentioned.

“Where is he?” He didn’t miss the way Roman visibly flinched at that, or how Virgil tensed up. He felt bad for upsetting them, but he needed to know how the final dark side was in a life without him. After a few moments of tense silence, Virgil spoke up.

“You’re a light side, right?” Janus nodded, and he continued. “Remus is a dark side. I also used to be one. But after I left and joined the light sides, Remus was left alone down there. He wasn’t very stable in the first place, but the isolation changed him completely. He’s completely mad, and he started getting violent, we couldn’t just leave him.”

At this point, Roman took up the story. “I conjured up a containment room for him. We can go in, and he has everything he needs, but he can’t leave or effect anything outside the room. It was the best we could think of. He’s hardly ever coherent anymore, he just raves and screams about a ‘snake’ and ‘liars.’ I wouldn’t try to go see him, he doesn’t react well to me and Virgil, and he actually recognizes us. Patton tried to see him and it didn’t end well.”

Janus felt guilt welling up inside him quickly. He never meant to hurt his old friend like that. He knew his absence would change things, but not this much.

The energy in the room had dropped, and everyone seemed extremely uncomfortable. He cleared his throat and strained to find something to change the subject.

“So, who’s going to introduce me to our host?” That seemed to work, and Roman perked up immediately.

In  just a few minutes, he was rising up in between Roman and Virgil, and Thomas was smiling at him. He had only seen Thomas’s smile a couple times before the change, and those were what he treasured most from his past life. And now here he was, smiles all around, not a hint of anger or disgust.

“So you’re my new side? The personification of my desires? What does that mean exactly? Why are you only appearing now?” Janus was slightly overwhelmed by the influx of questions, and Logan, of all people, noticed.

“Thomas, while I’ll never complain about you wanting to learn and expand your knowledge, I think that perhaps you should slow down, give Dee some time to breathe.” Thomas knotted sheepishly, and he felt a pang of gratitude towards Logan. He wasn’t really a new side, but if he was, this would all be way too much all at once.

All too soon, Thomas had to return to work, and the sides sunk out.

“I have an idea! We should have a movie night, after all, Dee hasn’t been to one!” Patton was jumping up and down, and looking hopefully at the others.

“A splendid idea padre!” Virgil gave a grunt of approval, and Logan sighed and nodded, already resigned. No one withstood Pat’s puppy eyes. Not for long anyway. Patton cheered, and ran to go gather every pillow and blanket he could find.

When Patton came back, popcorn was popping, and Virgil and Roman were playfully arguing over what movie to show Dee first. The moral side plopped his armful of bedding on top of Roman, silencing him. “Whoops, didn’t see you there Ro!” He giggled, and Janus found himself laughing along with him and Virgil, who chuckled at Roman’s misfortune.

“My hair! Pat, how could you slander me so!”

“Grow up Princey, it’s just hair, it can’t hide your giant ego even if it looks good.” The two started bickering, and Patton sat down next to Janus, a soft look on his face.

“I didn’t mean to pry or anything, but I peeked into your room. The door was open, and I noticed the walls were all blank. We’ll have to get it spruced up a little! You can get Roman to conjure things for you, and just you wait, it’ll feel like home in no time!” Janus nodded along distractedly, not really paying attention.

“Excuse me Patton, I need to grab something from my room real quick, I’ll be right back.” He stood up, his head spinning. He made it up the stairs before he slumped against the wall, the room tilting. He managed to stumble to his room, locking the door once he made it inside. He collapsed against the bed, feeling something choking his throat. He coughed, and felt it dislodge, and he coughed it up into his hand. It was a rose, tightly closed, the thorns dripping with blood. As he starred, the flower trembled, and its petals began to open. A golden light glowed inside it, and he saw an image in the light. It was him, telling Patton about how he didn’t have a name.

He felt another rose clogging his throat, and he coughed up another rose. This one showed him standing and excusing himself just a few minutes ago. When he lied to Patton. Both flowers showed times he lied. So that was what the roses meant. Even in this new life, he couldn’t truly leave Deceit behind. He conjure a vase, and placed the roses in them. Might as well spruce up the room a bit.

He looked at the mirror, and cleaned away the blood from his mouth. He collected his nerves, and unlocked the door, heading back down to join the others.

He hadn’t been invited to movie nights before. This was going to be fun.

[vore-scientist]

Hey Little SongBird

[Sfw safe soft M/m GT vore]

A Tale of the Mystic Woods

Premise: A bard is in desperate need of a story. Can he sing his way out of being eaten by the evil giant wizard known as Yonah HaEsh? Well. No. But perhaps he can sing his way out of the wizard’s stomach? A fun little adventure for sure. 

Story is First Person (The Bard’s) POV. He’s a expressive narrator. 

Warnings: big Fear.play during the vore scene! This is a thief style story. Yonah,  if you don’t know, is very convincing when he says he kills people. And because he has no quick and easy safety spell, his treats sometimes end up a little bit well, not di.ges/-ted but slight skin irritation happens from time to time. Yes some pain, but no permanent harm! Yonah’s very practiced at making sure they are A-OK!

Ok onto the story!

---

I hate the stereotype of bards being horny tricksters who use their voices to seduce people into infidelity. Any such stories are complete poppycock and base slander. Bards are more than pretty faces and lovely voices. We are first and foremost story tellers, entertainers! Actors and chroniclers! Often risking life and limb to get you the stories you love so much. Those fancy sword moves and fight dances you see on stage aren’t just for show.  

But still. Going into the Mystic Woods in search of my next story was not a great idea. Solo-ing an adventure into such a dangerous realm was asking for death, with no one around who could tell of it. And yet, I had run out of new material and was desperate. Why didn’t I just purchase rights from another bard through the guild, you might ask? Clever, very clever, but that’s what low rankers do. The Apprentices, the Journeyers. Not Masters such as I. 

At least, not ones who are blacklisted from the guild for not properly crediting a story. How was I to know it wasn’t public domain! It seemed pretty generic to me. 

Another problem with being blacklisted? No one wants to adventure with you. Not anyone high ranking enough to help me anyways. 

Regardless, to earn back my place in the guild I needed a new story, an impressive story. So I gathered my supplies and took the first teleport to the City of Luster, closest city in the Kingdom of Orr to the Mystic Woods. Sure, other cities exist at its borders, but Luster is the only one with a direct path into the Woods. A path that is safe, to a point. 

It’s also a great place to get a few last minute supplies. For example, a small ukulele. My previous instrument, my precious goldenrod Oud, was repossessed by the guild. I needed something cheap and lightweight. And also I was banned from purchasing from most craftsfolk because, and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing this, I'm Blacklisted. 

Luster is so large that I was able to find the ukulele in a pawn shop. I wasn’t after a ukulele, that’s just what was there. 

Right! I was ready to go.  

Whistling the first ever song I wrote, and tuning my new old ukulele, I set off down the road. 

And Into the Woods. 

---

Maybe I should lower my standards? Surely the guild won't be too hard on me?

Or perhaps it would just take more than a day and night in the woods to find a story. 

The first day I found some gnomes preparing for a small feast of the half-moon glory. I was confident that something would happen at the party. Something had to go wrong, and maybe a hero—maybe I—would save the day! Or night, as it would be night. No such luck—it was a very nice celebration, absolutely no issues. Wasted a day!! 

Not that I’m on a time limit. 

The gnomes were so nice, and they made the most delightful floral scented cakes. They enjoyed my songs and tales about heroic gnomes and I left their camp with a flower crown and a sack of cakes. 

I felt like today I would find a story! 

Nope. 

In this forest of wonder and magic and monsters and secrets, I ran into nothing. I even played music to attract trouble but Nooooooooo, guess even the beasts of the woods knew I was blacklisted! 

It was late afternoon when I found some interesting deer tracks and decided to follow. 

Bards aren’t known for our stealth but I’m going to tell you a secret. What’s the guild gonna do! Blacklist me? 

Anyways the secret is: certain Bards learn to play notes and pitches that cancel out our footsteps and create silence. 

I followed the prints to find a small herd of very interesting deer! 

They had really interesting patterns, each one slightly different but only if you looked closely. That meant I needed a closer look. 

So focused on the deer I didn’t watch my feet and I tripped. The deer ran off. 

“HEY!” a shrill voice called from somewhere in the trees, “What did you do that for?”

No idea who was yelling at me but I was taking no chances, and like the deer I bolted. But not fast enough, not nimble enough. 

An arrow shot by my leg and stuck in the ground. I stopped. And stood perfectly still. 

“Idiot.” the voice was now right behind me! 

I turned. And looked down. It was an elf! With plum purple skin and dark green hair. 

And they were laughing. 

Then another elf fell from the trees to land silently next to the first. This one had dark green skin and straw yellow hair. Their long ears were standing straight up reaching higher than my eyes. 

They were laughing too.

“What’s so funny?”

“You responded to ‘idiot’!” Said the purple one. 

Ugh. Elves!!

Then they got suddenly more serious. 

“Can’t believe it! We’ve been hunting those deer before the sun even rose and you happened to trip when we got them in our sights!”

“I’m... sorry?” 

The second elf elbowed the first, “He couldn’t have known we were there, Damian! Not his fault!” She spoke in elvish but I’m fluent. 

The first elf, Damian, looked up and half groaned half sighed, “and I suppose, Bridget, that I should apologize to the human for almost shooting him?”

I don’t know why I spoke up but I did. 

“It was an impressive warning shot!”

Damian’s ears stood up again then folded back and a little red flush appeared on the purple cheeks. As did on Bridget’s but for a different reason. 

“Yes. Warning shot,” they said. 

This time I managed to keep my mouth shut. Not a smart idea to quip about an elf’s hunting prowess. I still wasn’t happy to learn they were trying to shoot me! 

“You’re an adventurer?” Asked Bridget. “What’s your name?

“A bard!” I said. “I’m, um, Ophir!” 

“Need a place to stay tonight, Ophir?”

The shadows were lengthening, I hadn’t noticed. And then my stomach growled. 

“I sure do. But are you sure? I mean I did scare the deer-“

Damian shouldered their bow and nodded, “It wouldn’t be very elven to leave a stranger in the woods.”

Even not hunting they moved so silently I couldn’t take my eyes off them as I followed them to their village. We stopped by the temple, as it is the respectful thing to do when entering the village. It was set up for fall, done up in browns and oranges and paper chains. On the altar was a single brown leaf. The first one seen by a member of the village. 

I’m not elvish but I still prayed to Autumn for my hometown to have a bountiful harvest. 

I sat on the floor in the common dining hall as my new… friends, sat on stools made of tree stumps. They may not have caught any deer but there was some sort of roasted meat concoction wrapped in sugary leaves, crystallized to give it crunch, making a sweet and savory combination I’d never experienced before. The same sugar crispy leaves were used to scoop a sort of nut and vegetable curry. Delightful! I could write a song just about the food. 

I of course told them why I was in the woods, since they were curious. 

And they told everyone how I tripped and fell, exaggerating it greatly. All the elves laughed but knowing elves I was better off. They enjoyed slapstick comedy. The fact that I was able to laugh at myself seemed to gain me favor. 

One elf, with lighter green skin and dark brown hair laughed like the rest and yet, their eyes were deep in thought. They were a strange one, I think. Even by elf standards they had a strange name. 

Jacuzzi? Who names themselves Jacuzzi?

Then they spoke. 

“So, Ophir, you need a story?” They asked. I nodded.

“I think I can help you,” they said, “at the very least point you in the right direction.” 

At their words a lot of the company got quiet. 

“If you’re that desperate, there’s,” they paused, as if they were still considering whether or not to tell me. “A wizard. If you encounter him, you’re sure to get a proper story.”

I couldn’t think why this made the elf act so strange, plenty of mages made it their job to participate in tales. Though, with wizards they were usually evil, if not a member of an adventuring party. Nonetheless! A story about a wizard sounded fantastic. 

“Where does-“ I stopped myself from finishing that stupid sentence. Nowhere in the Mystic Woods stayed put so asking for directions was complete folly. 

“What’s the best way to, uh, find him?” 

Jacuzzi shrugged “The birds have the most up to date information. But you’ll know it’s his place when you find the tower in the garden.”

Lots of wizards had towers, few had gardens. That was more of a witch thing. 

“He’ll be there? Tonight?”

“Probably, he can't- well he’ll be there. If not tonight then by the morning. Don’t mess with his things.” 

Sound advice. 

“Hold on tonight?” Damian re-entered the conversation. “Are you mad? Traveling the forest at night is dangerous! Especially alone.”

“So? I’m trying to get into trouble. Doesn’t make a difference if I find it at the tower or on my way.” 

My confidence wasn’t entirely fake. I had a good meal, I wasn’t tired. I could knock this out by morning! 

“Thank you, for everything.” 

I swear I heard giggling as I departed. If these elves were pulling one over on me well! I don’t know what I would do but I’ll think of something. I had a wizard to find. 

It wasn’t long before I realized why I should have waited for morning. 

No! Birds! 

From whom could I ask directions? A rodent? They were never as helpful. The sun was about to set. It was only early autumn, the days were still a decent length, but it would be dark real soon. No birds, no people. 

Wait. I spoke too soon. There were footsteps. It was a slim chance but maybe they could help me. 

“Young man, what are you doing? Don’t you know it’s dangerous to be out at night alone?”

The voice had a deep and soft quality that wasn’t human. But they were speaking Orrian. Really folks, dont meet strangers in the forest that you can’t see. They’re usually evil witches or sorcerers or cyclops ogres. Yeah, one-eyed ogres are skilled talkers, luring people to them. It was only after I answered I realized this could be an ogre. 

“Aren’t you out alone too?”

“Why yes-” the voice was closer and then I saw them. 

Thankfully it wasn’t and ogre. But it was a witch, and a dwarf one. Uncommon. Probably not evil. It did explain why they were confidently out at night. Dwarves had pretty amazing night vision. They had the traditional black robe and hat, and a cat sat down beside them. It was a really large cat, which was amusing next to the short witch. Their long braided beard was decorated with trinkets, which was a quaint look I must admit. 

“But I live here.”

I stood up straight, which I guess was a bit rude. 

“How do you know I don’t?” I stammered, “I could!”

The dwarf stroked their beard, “I guess it’s possible, do you?”

I sighed and slouched, “No…”

“But I am looking for trouble.” I explained my story and the dwarf listened, smiling kindly. 

“So the elves told me I would be guaranteed a story if I found this wizard who has a tower and a garden-”

The witch’s eyebrows raised. 

“- you know this wizard?”

The cat mrowed loudly, his tail swishing on the forest floor a bit faster. 

“I do indeed,” there was an extreme fondness in their voice. 

“And you know where he is?”

The witch laughed, “I’d say this was coincidence, but in these parts there are too many of those to be truly coincidental. I do in fact know the current location, and it’s close by.”

“Really!” I almost danced with excitement. 

Unlike the elves the dwarf had no hesitations. They pointed me in the right direction, and informed me of a few roadblocks and landmarks. 

“If you hurry you should be just in time for dessert,”  they said, waving as I wasted no more time in heading off. 

“Thanks so much!” I turned on my lantern and my back on the witch. 

Oh if I had only thought about the implications of their last words to me. 

Hilarious. In hindsight. 

Nevermind that now, I’m sure you’re already laughing. Hahaha. 

Finding the tower was easy with the witch’s directions. They’d even told me the thorns were fake and the vines safe to climb up. That should have raised red flags, or some color, but I was so focused on achieving my goal. 

Now, we bards aren’t really known for our… physical abilities beyond dance. We can fight sure, but a fifty-foot climb is gonna leave most bards gasping for breath. I'm proud to say I was merely on the cusp of wheezing, though I was having difficulty standing. 

I needed to rest. So I lay on the windowsill. 

Which I failed to notice stretched so that I could more than easily lie down.  The cool night air and stone felt so nice. I looked into the tower. 

And my heart stopped. 

I’d gotten a brief glimpse before nearly passing out, but it was different now. 

Exactly the same. 

But. 

Bigger. 

You might know, my readers, that wizards are all human. All of them. Non-humans aren’t allowed to attend the academy. I’m sure those like I, being a quarter fairy, might be let in, but... This- this giant sized workshop didn’t make any sense. A giant could not be a wizard no way. Why would the elves say this was a wizard’s tower? Did they not understand the difference between wizard, witch, and sorcerer?

But the dwarf witch, they had to know! They had not corrected me. Plus, the workshop did have a very wizard feel to it.

What was going on here? 

I needed a moment to process so I rolled over to look outside. Looking inside made my head hurt. 

But a Giant Wizard. If that were real, what a story! If it were fake, then well, a giant mage is still exciting. I looked once more into the room. Three desks, one for material prepping and alchemy, one that looked like the main workbench, and one… like a spare workbench? It was not very organized compared to the other. And shelves full of things I could not identify. 

And on the floor, an open trap door with stairs leading down. Down to where the wizard must be. 

I was thankful I had noticed the shift in scale, or I surely would have fallen 15 feet onto the floor. Instead I got out my grappling hook and rope and rappelled down. With a flick, the hook dislodged. This place was large, I would need it again. 

I could have spent hours in this room, just taking in the immense magical collection, but that wasn’t why I was there. And I heard noises from down the stairs. Water? Clinking metal? I took each stair one at a time, slowly making my way deeper into the tower. 

Either the kitchen just happened to be one floor down or this stairwell was enchanted to take you to the floor you were thinking about. For just as I reached the landing I saw the massive doorframe that led into what was clearly a kitchen and small dining room. Small for the giant, who was at the sink washing pots, pans, and other things. 

He certainly looked like a wizard! A tall wide brimmed hat with a curling point, and robes that matched the garish colors and patterns. He had a neatly trimmed goatee and mutton chops, and long curly black hair tied behind his back. On his handsomely large nose rested thick square spectacles. Not only was he tall, he was just plain large. 

I know I talked about the false stereotypes of bards, but we weren't the only profession with them. People tended to think of Wizards as more delicate, as they spent all their time studying, never going out, forgetting meals. But this, man, for he looked more human than giant except for being over 20ft tall, well the only word for it was burly. 

I’d never imagined a wizard who, if you removed his wizard robes, put him in a flannel shirt and handed him an axe would be a picture perfect lumberjack. Now such a wizard was right before my very eyes. 

Suddenly I was not so confident. I should have lost my nerve back at the window, when I saw the scale of the workshop. But it just didn’t hit me until I saw the giant. I’ve seen giants before, they are actually larger than this person, that made him seem more dangerous. 

Oh. 

Oh no. 

This wasn’t just any wizard, or any giant. 

This one was evil. 

Maybe I could just leave! Yeah. I would just get the fuck out of here. I was not prepared to handle an evil giant wizard. 

I made my decision a bit too late. The giant stopped cleaning a plate to look up and sniff the air. 

Shit. 

It was futile to run, but it was my only option. I didn’t even make it up two stairs before the giant roared with delight. 

“FEE FI FO FUM!”

No no no! Not that! 

“I SMELL THE BLOOD OF THE HUMAN KIND!” 

Well technically I was quarter fairy but-

“IT MATTERS NOT THE THINGS YOU STOLE, I’LL CAPTURE YOU AND SWALLOW YOU WHOLE.”

Yeah… I should not have come here. Evil giants tend to eat people. I’d had a small hope that this smaller giant, who was very likely a proper wizard, wouldn’t.

He made it to the stairwell in a few seconds and scooped me up in one hand, holding me up to his face. 

“How convenient,” he smiled, revealing very giant-like fangs. His breath was horrible. “I was just thinking I needed some dessert.”

I cursed the witch from earlier. They knew! They knew he would want to eat me! But the witch wasn’t here, wasn’t my problem right now. 

“Please! Mister Wizard, I did not steal anything, I am no thief! I’m a bard!”

The giant raised his eyebrows, but did not set me down, instead he turned and walked down the stairs. 

“A bard?” he asked, “what’s your name?”

“Ophir Shel Peh!” I said.

The giant tapped his chin. “Hm. Yes I would say you probably are a bard! I don’t get many of those.” 

The room he entered was some sort of living room. But I didn’t really have the capacity to take in any details other than the chair that he sat down in. 

“I wonder if bards taste any different from thieves!” he said with excitement that made my heart drop to my feet. 

“Please, please don’t eat me!” I begged. “I just wanted a story!”

“Hm,”he placed me on the coffee table but did not let me go. Instead he started removing my gear, everything except my clothing. Things were going from bad to worse. “What do you mean?”

I didn’t have much hope of surviving but he wasn’t eating me just yet, and he was clearly open to conversing. 

“Well! Either I would tell the tale of my adventure here, or, you could give me a tale, perhaps in exchange for something?”

The giant laughed, “you came here on your own to challenge me? So you could tell your tale?”

I nodded. 

“Very foolish,” he growled, “But I could tell you a story.”

“Really?!” 

“Not that you would ever get to tell it.” he continued, “since I’m going to eat you.”

He sounded like he’d really made up his mind about that. But the longer he talked the more time I had to think of a way out of this. I didn’t want to point out that him eating me defeated the purpose of him telling me a story in the first place. 

“It’s a good one too. Surely you were surprised to find me a half-giant and wizard.”

I nodded again, a bit more dumbfounded. Half giant explained a lot already. 

“But if I tell you how I ended up here, you must promise not to tell it until his mystical majesty is dead. Or I am.”

What?

“Are you dying?”

The giant looked wistful. “No. But I’m a villain. I could die any day. The next person who comes into my tower could be the one who kills me.”

“And you’ll finally get what's coming to you I guess,” I said. “Like I’ll even be able to tell it since I’ll be one of your victims.” 

The giant laughed, “oh yes, of course. Cause I’m going to eat you! Like I have many others before.”

Great. I shouldn’t have said anything. 

He scooped me up again and placed me on the armrest. Then he let me go. But i didn’t dare try to run. 

“I guess I could start at the beginning, when I decided to become a wizard.” he mused, “The life story of Yonah HaEsh.”

He leaned back, looking up at the ceiling, and then down at me. 

“How foolish I was. I mean obviously I succeeded but it was still foolish.” 

You know how I said I would spend the time while he rambled to think of a way out of this? Well his story was certainly long enough. Gods, wizards don’t leave out details! They have no concept of narrative flow! 

And yet. It was riveting. His human father was a fire witch and that got him interested in magic. So he disguised himself as human to attend school. He was found out eventually, expelled and arrested for infiltrating the kingdom as a dangerous magical monster. He was almost executed before he was offered a job here in the tower! And amazingly, the Grand Master of the school had taken pity on him and allowed him to continue his studies here and graduate, earning the right to call himself a wizard. 

The point is I forgot about escaping. Until he started to wrap up his story. 

“Never intended to become evil. But it suits me!” He said brightly. 

That brought me back to reality. Evil. Giant! 

I was in his hand again, not so tightly this time but still secure. Face to face. He was smiling again and chuckling.

“Especially since it means I get to eat people!”

“You're so surprised you’re evil but I’m not!”

I think he knew I was stalling more but didn’t care. 

“How so?”

“You spent years among smallfolk! You have smallfolk friends! And you’re perfectly fine eating us?”

He snorted “it was smallfolk that expelled me from school, that nearly executed me for trying to learn magic! And for trapping me here, in my tower. Make no mistake, this gilded cage is still a cage.” 

There really was no going back. 

“Now your time's up, and I’m hungry.”

I still screamed! Who wouldn’t! I was sure he was going to have to bite me in half to eat me even if his earlier proclamation was to swallow me whole. 

I barely fit in his mouth, ribs pressed into his lower teeth and it hurt! His saliva soaked me through so quickly I could only imagine how good I tasted. I tried to brace myself on his teeth but my hands slipped between the jaws. Even more distressing he was definitely enjoying my struggles and flavor. 

Then I was upside down! And even in the tight space I slipped towards his throat. I put my hands forward to try and stop but it was so slick they slid down into his throat, along with my shoulders, as he swallowed. 

The air was crushed out of my lungs and I dared not scream. It was hard, as I knew where I was headed, and I was surrounded by hot rubbery flesh that shoved at me, eager to get me to my destination. 

A massive throbbing against my face told me I was passing by his heart. It was at this point he took another swallow and my feet slipped into his throat, my hands… they touched air. Thick. Hot air. 

And then so did my face and I made the mistake of gasping for breath. As the air smelled of vomit, and I remembered the wizard was cleaning up from dinner when I arrived. I was smelling the remains of that meal. Oh gods if he had eaten me right away I would have been sitting in food! It was a small bit of reprise, I guess. That the giant decided to talk for a couple of hours. 

My feet were still in the esophagus when my face pressed against the opposite wall of the stomach. It was slimy like I couldn’t believe! I pulled my feet free and oriented myself so that I was sitting upright. 

This must be what it feels like to be kidnapped in a sack. A sack that was going to be dunked in acid. 

“You awake in there?” said a deep rumbling voice from above, and I felt a sharp nudge. Great. He wasn’t done with me, and I failed a bit in protest. “Ha! That’s better, I go through all the trouble of swallowing you down, the least you can do is struggle and scream a bit.”

“If I do that, I’ll run out of air quicker!” I squawked. Though I suspected I would start crying soon enough. Either just out of despair or because of the pain. 

I wasn’t feeling anything yet except for slime and heat, so it wasn’t likely to be a quick death. Depending on how long it took for digestion to work on a whole human, I might run out of air and pass out first. That would be nice, less painful. Unconscious I would feel nothing. I would much prefer that- oh. 

“Mr Wizard,” In that moment I’d forgotten his name, thought I wouldn’t need it if I was going to die.

Another jab at my side. “Yes, my tasty little bard?”

“Can I make a final request?” 

The entire chamber squished and bounced a bit, and I imagined the giant heaving a sigh and sitting back in his chair. 

“That depends on the request.”

“I- I want to sing one last song. But I need my ukulele, can you-” I kind of shuddered, but it wasn’t like an heirloom or something, “swallow it for me?”

There was a long pause, or it felt long because my timeline was now so short. 

“I'm not a fan of eating objects,” he said, then heaved another sigh, “but I suppose I can do that.”

I felt him lean over and then heard a sickening gulp. If I was going to die I was going to die singing with an instrument in my arms!

I plucked a few cords and shook out as much of the drool as I could. 

“Your voice isn’t magical is it?” Asked the giant as I tuned the ukulele.

I smiled “No, it is. I’ve got some Fey ancestry. Never really tested its power. Mostly I’ve played monsters to sleep. Or made a crowd cry with an opening line. People tell me that when I weave a tale it’s as if they were there first hand. Not so useful when you’re already eaten.” 

Unless he’s so moved by my song that he takes pity. But I didn’t say that out loud. 

“Well, just make it a nice song. I’ve got sensitive ears.”

Ok… I had a momentary thought of singing so loudly and so sharply that his ears bled. But then I realized he was making a threat. He could make my death much much worse. My original song was fine. 

I strummed the ukulele, it sounded so odd in the stomach. And maybe it couldn’t penetrate out so well. I used a little magic to boost it. I don’t always use magic, except for my naturally magical voice, but I figured… 

This would be my last performance. And it would be for my murderer. Still, I was compelled to make it a good one. 

I’d already made it through the first instrumental bars, and I took a breath of the rancid air. 

-

In the quiet mystic morning  When the sun’s just graced the land O’er the horizon, lies a story And it begs to take my hand

Now that summer’s ceased its gleaming And the harvest’s past its prime In adventure i've found meaning But I’ll be homeward bound in time 

Bind me not, to the pasture Chain me not to the town Set me free to find my calling And I’ll return to you somehow

-

As the first instrumental break started I turned my attention to the giant’s response. It was hard to evaluate from inside of him. As far as I could tell, I wasn’t hitting my mark. 

-

If you find it’s me you're missing And you’re hoping I’ll return To your thoughts I’ll soon be listing  On the road I’ll stop and turn

-

It was starting to hurt a bit now, I hadn't noticed it at first since when I perform I tend to feel all floaty and numb, but now pain penetrated my fog. I directed it into my voice and I cried out. 

-

For the wind has set me racing As my journey now begins To leave the path I’ll be retracing When I’m homeward bound again

Bind me not, to the pasture Chain me not to the town Set me free to find my calling And I’ll return to you somehow

-

The second, and last, instrumental break. Did I feel shaking around me? Was this working? Breathing was becoming harder, my skin stung. My shoulders, elbows, and knees ached too, this was a horrible position. The fluid level was rising. But I didn’t stop. I would finish this song. 

I was practically sobbing at this point but my song rang out. 

-

In the quiet  Mystic morning When the moon has gone to bed When adventure’s lost its meaning…

I’ll be homeward bound

Again

-

With the last few notes from my mouth, I gripped the ukulele so hard it almost cracked. 

Then the chamber jerked. I heard heavy breaths. Again. Was that a sniff?

Was he crying? Please. Gods of music. 

“Dammit,” he hissed and sniffed again, “Fine. I’m letting you go. Stupid bard.”

My brain was so frozen with elation I couldn’t actually believe it until it was happening. Not until I was physically forced back up the way I’d come. I slid out of the giant’s mouth and into shallow warm water. I took deep breaths of the clean air. And Yonah continued to retch as I got my bearings.

We were back in the kitchen, I was in the sink! Wait where was- The giant let out a horrible sound like a cat with a hairball and with a plop, my ukulele joined me in the bath. 

Now Yonah looked at me, eyes red and puffy, some tear streaks down his face. Though he had just violently thrown up. 

“Congratulations, Ophir the bard,” he spat, but he was grinning, “You have your story.”

I- I blinked in astonishment. He was right. I’d trekked through the woods, hung out with gnomes, got led to my near doom by elves and a witch, and sang so sorrowfully I made the evil man-eating giant cry and let me go. 

“Th-thank you-” I said, and I let him help me out of the sink and onto a towel to dry. 

“I should be thanking you!” he said. “Dessert and entertainment all in one!”

The fact that he still thought of me as food wasn’t reassuring but I didn’t think he was going to eat me again. In fact, Yonah’s entire demeanor had changed, he wasn’t so harsh looking, his voice was softer. 

“Would you like some tea? That helps after a near-death experience.”

He didn’t wait for my response but went to get the tea leaves and pot.   

“Hold on!” I said, but he didn’t stop making tea. “Did you even intend on killing me?”

He smiled as he put the pot on the stove and lit it with a snap of his fingers and a flash in his eyes. 

“No, not really, you’re not a thief.” Yonah laughed at some joke that only he got. 

“So why-” I mean he could have gotten me to sing before swallowing me whole. 

“Your fairy blood.” I looked confused, “I could smell it on you, sweet and magical. I wasn't going to pass up such a special treat.”

If there was a god who could erase horrifying knowledge from the mind I would have prayed to them. 

“Then- did my song do anything?” I choked like I was back in his stomach, unable to breathe. 

It was clear he saw the distress in my face, that I was not as good a bard as I thought I was. 

“My tears were real, little bard. I didn’t expect to be moved so much. Even if I had meant to kill you... you might have convinced me otherwise.”

The teapot whistled and he went to take care of it. I sat down. I was so lucky. Had the elves known he would spare me? Was that why they were laughing? This was some convoluted prank? And the witch, how were they in on it? Not that it mattered, their reasons and motivations weren’t important for my story. 

Then I remembered, “Your story!” I said, rather loudly. 

He stopped what he was doing, which was carefully using magic to pour a cup for me. “Yes?”

“I'm not dead! I can tell your story!” I stood back up, one hand on my hip the other pointing,  “That’s why you let me go isn’t it.”

“Sure,” he shrugged, “That definitely factored into it.”

Motherfucker! This also meant I wasn’t done with him. He was getting out a smaller place setting for me to sit at but I didn’t sit down, or drink the tea. 

“I need- I need to write it all down!” I said, “I have a good memory, but I was under duress before. I need to hear it again. And write it down."

The wizard smiled again, showing his teeth, but this time it did not scare me. 

“Then let’s take this upstairs, shall we?”

He held out his hand and without hesitation I sat on it. I was placed on his shoulder and he took me, and the tea, to the workshop. 

Amazingly he had a few blank notebooks that were human sized, and human sized pens. Nice ones too. And a human sized desk? The set up was perfect. 

“Since I have until either you or the king dies, I can do proper research. I’ll need names and places and dates! And your parents, if you know how they met, that would make a great prologue!” 

We worked well into the night.  My cup of tea got cold. 

[FIN] if you liked PLEASE REBLOG!

REBLOGS HELP SPREAD MY WORK! I also love knowing that people read my stories! My askbox and DMs are OPEN!!! let me know!!!

[Thanks for reading! please reblog! Or message me telling me what you think! I crave feedback! For more mystic woods go to vore-scientist.tumblr.com/tagged/mystic+woods+story or search ‘mystic woods story’]

FOR REFERENCE, HERE’S HOW THE SONG SOUNDS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VooU55wzSEc

[gettingtoknowmj]

A WARNING TO MICHAEL JACKSON FANS - MATT FIDDLES IS A PRESS RAT AND WAS NEVER MICHAEL'S BODYGUARD

Because of my Michael Jackson page I have been afforded communication with a man formally on Michael Jackson's security team. We have talked a number of times after something on my page made him contact me. I have all proof I need that he is the real deal. He has said I can post this message, encouraged it.

Now unlike some bodyguards that hung around MJ in his last years and have made money out of their association. This guy hasn't and doesn't plan to; he doesn't even really want his face and name known but he knew Micheal for a good number of years (but not after 2004). He loved the man he called complicated, sometimes frustrating but a true good heart. He does not claim the status of friendship but keen observer of his boss, who was mostly very kind to him. He saw Michael at the best and at his worst, and felt for him. And Michael Jackson was more vulnerable than I personally imagined.

And one thing he has definitely confirmed to me is not to trust Matt Fiddles (pictured). The man popping up all over the media claiming to have been Michael's bodyguard for ten years, he is a fake and a fraud. He did not guard Michael Jackson for more than a few days back in 2002. He was an associate of Uri Geller's not Michael's bodyguard! Michael agreed to help Geller on a project. When Michael came to England this Matt Fiddles agreed free of charge for Uri Geller to pose as a bodyguard for Michael Jackson.

The things Fiddles has been saying in the press of late on the face of it seem harmless, perhaps beneficial. Yes, he is coming across as a defender of Michael Jackson's honour. He could fool anyone, including me... he did! But this guy has said nasty stuff in the past. He has a dark history of slandering Michael Jackson. That older fans are choosing not to knowledge and newer fans don't know about...

This past week since getting the alert about Matt Fiddles I and a Facebook friend of mine have attempted to warn fans on various Michael Jackson groups only to have pending posts deleted before they can be seen! It seems some group owners are keen on Matt Fiddles.

Yes, I know some of you are probably thinking "but Matt Fiddles is defending Michael Jackson. He even took apart in Chase The Truth documentary where he debunked stuff to do with Neverland... I want to believe him, it makes me feel more assured of Michael's innocence. Matt Fiddles has even said how Michael was very interested in women, and sneaked women into his hotel room! I want that to be true". I hate to break it to you, I am sorry to say but Matt Fiddles never worked at Neverland nor was he a member of his tour security.

None of Michael's real bodyguards, including the lovely man on security I have talked to remember him at all. In fact, no sneaking in of any women happened on his watch. He just saw families touring with Michael with their kids. Some of them did share and sleep in same huge hotel room at times but so did a member of security (before anybody jumps to unpleasant conclusions). If he had secret girlfriends who knows maybe he did but Matt Fiddles was not there to know. Because nobody remembers him!

Michael's makeup artist Karen Faye doesn't remember Fiddles either, don't believe me? Ask her. She is easy to contact.

Michael's friend from child to man Frank Cascio has never heard of Matt Fiddles either.

The late Frank DiLeo was asked in 2009 about Matt... and you guessed it... never heard of him.

Michael's mother has also publicly outted Matt Fiddles as a fake in the past too. Yes, Katherine Jackson, Michael's own mother: “‘Fiddes tried to pretend that he was a close friend of my son Michael, but when I spoke to Michael about him, he could not remember who he was. The whole family was deeply upset by the interviews he gave shortly after Michael’s death, which no friend would have done.’

Trust me, if Matt Fiddles was a character witness he wouldn't be called in a legal case for Michael Jackson's defence.

MATT FIDDLES LIES YOU PROBABLY WERE NOT AWARE HE CREATED IN THE PRESS

NO NOSE LIE: Matt caused some of the crazy rumours that Michael Jackson had a fake nose for years and at time of death that fell off. When anyone that has read Michael's autopsy report (not a happy task, I don't recommend it) and can see from the photos (again really upsetting, not recommend...), his nose was actually fine at time of death...

It is true that he had a number of reconstructive procedures on his nose mostly due to complications caused by lupus (and even according to security man I am in communication with, did have a hole in tip at one time caused by that!) but he did not have a full on fake nose! EVER! And as I say, issues with his nose were fixed. No fake nose.

SKIN BLEACHING AND SELF RACE HATE: Matt Fiddles claimed Michael hated his skin colour so much he almost BURNED off his willy with bleaching creams. Autopsy report, Michael had a NORMAL uncircumcised penis (I feel bad for knowing these kind of details... truly no privacy but in good cause, sorry Michael!). Certainly not brunt off by skin bleaching creams. Autopsy also showed Michael was a longtime sufferer of vitiligo. Not race hate.

NAZI SYMPATHISER: Matt Fiddles has stated that Michael Jackson was obsessed with Nazis, had admired Hitler and hated Jews. Funny that Micheal should choose a woman of Jewish faith Debbie Rowe as surrogate mother in order that he could experience becoming a father, even to please his mother's religious beliefs married Debbie so the children could be born of wedlock (something very important to Witnesses). And Michael was at one time firm friends with a Rabbi and was best man at a Jewish wedding! He even donned a skull cap for it. And Michael lovingly recounted stories of dear Rose Fine, the Jewish tutor he’d had as a child whom he credited as giving him a lifelong passion for reading.

On a related note: Matt said Michael POKED holes in a voodoo doll he made of Steven Spielberg after the singer became a Nazi sympathiser, err? Yeah... imaginative.

MICHAEL ASKED BODYGUARDS TO SHOOT RANDY: Michael Jackson ordered his bodyguards to kill his brother Randy Jackson when Randy was in a dispute with Michael. This was supposed to have been said in front of Randy. A story his real bodyguards at the time say is laughable and Randy even released a statement that it never happened.

SPERM STEALING: Matt Fiddles has claimed Michael stole his sperm to father Blanket. On 17th November 2010 Matt Fiddes sold a story claiming that in 2 months (January 2011) he will be flying out to California to take a DNA test to establish that he is the father. He never did.

"He won't go to L.A., he has no intention!" Fiddes ex-girlfriend Carly Galliford said via Twitter. "He loves the attention, not caring about the Jacksons." Galliford (who claims she was with Fiddes when he came up with the baby-daddy tale) said that Fiddes admitted to lying about being Blanket’s father to her face, years ago.

In the interest of being fair and balanced it should be noted. There are many sources that claim Michael didn't father any of his children, some more credible than others (let's not go there, his private business... wouldn't change the fact he was dad). IF Michael didn't, you can be reasonably sure Matt Fiddles didn't either. Matt Fiddes was in Michael’s life for all of 5 minutes. He wasn’t Michael's close friend, he certainly wasn’t a confidant. It's highly unlikely that Michael chose Fiddles as a donor.

KILL MYSELF WITH SAME PILLS AS MICHAEL KILLED HIMSELF WITH: On 3rd December 2010 a story appears in the Sun claiming that the stress of putting himself forward as Blanket's father caused him to take an overdose of the same drugs Michael died from and that they were found in Michael’s body. Touching story, except Michael Jackson did not die from Soma tablets, none were found in his body or in his possession, and none has ever been associated with him. The most amusing aspect of this story is that he claims he was prescribed 5 of these tablets by a Michael Jackson doctor in 2002 and he’d stored them 8 years before finally using them. Soma aka Carisoprodol has a shelf life of 2 years, so I’d be curious as to what effects a drug that had expired 6 years before could do to a person, but maybe Matt could share that with us sometime.

HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT LIE: Matt said Michael FLEW into a rage when he was barred from buying the Speaker’s chair from the House of Commons to use as his “green throne”. To quote him: "He toured Parliament in 2002 and when the guide told him he could not buy this piece of British culture Michael exclaimed, ‘I am the King, the King of Pop’, before flying into a real rage.”

Funny that, the officials that gave Micheal the tour said he was lovely, funny and charming... making a joke how he'd like a chair like that. He didn't in anyway suggest actually buying the thing let alone fly into a rage, he was even invited to go for a chat with a mp afterwards. The main tour guide said Michael loved England and was genuinely in awe of the building and history. There is footage on one of the pay for press video footage sites documenting from moment Michael starts his guided tour to moment he leaves. I will see if I can recall which site and update with link. Proof this ranting at the guide event never took place. Only thing that is true is Matt Fiddles was there.

There is actually more but you get the picture... this is just some of the crazy stuff Matt Fiddles has said, all soon after Michael Jackson died of course, so he couldn't be sued. There’s no proof he even went to visit Michael at a perminant residance. There’s no proof he even went to Neverland.

Michael Jackson is nothing more than a lucrative business for Matt Fiddles, and he is now selling his “positive” stories to papers for cash and celebrity. Nothing more nothing less. Because being positive about Michael actually is selling better for him right now as not many people are brave enough to defend Michael.... a book will come next... as you can be sure he is trying to build up a base of MJ fans to sell it too! When/if his book comes out, you will know to take what he say's with a very large pinch of salt.

---

Note: Please don't ask or pm me requesting information on the security staff member I have been in communication with. Our conversations are to remain private. Do not press me to ask him questions he has said what he has had to say, what he wanted to share and won't share no more... I may for all I know never hear from him again, if I don't that is fine, I am touched and grateful for the tip bits of information he gave me and for the warning about Matt Fiddles. I will not give his contact details to anybody. Nor repeat anything he has told me without his utter consent. Other than what has already been ok'd.

[gryphons-of-aentha]

The Approximate Plotline of the Gryphonverse (pt. 1)

Because like. I’m never gonna actually write this shit in any form, it’s gotten too convoluted and weird and pretty much officially exists only as a collection of ideas and drawings, and I guess this blog now.

This is gonna be long as fuck, just so you know what you’re getting into behind this readmore.

The whole thing starts out as fairly standard, fairly tropey high fantasy-type stuff and takes place entirely on Aentha, centered around the country of Andolia, a fantasy-feudal country with a vaguely German bent, with added notes of French and Celtic. It’s populated almost entirely by aquei, which are the closest thing Aentha has to humans (and they are very close, I just couldn’t think of a reason to have actual humans evolve separately on a completely different planet when Earth and actual humans are also canonically a thing). It’s bordered on one side by sea and all others by wilderness that, for various reasons ranging from “it’s impassable and useless” to “it’s literally cursed and/or protected by powers we don’t want to fuck with,” remains virtually untouched by civilization and is at best halfheartedly disputed over with other nearby countries. There’s trade by sea but otherwise the country is fairly isolated from its neighbors. Anyway, Andolians don’t like gryphons. The ‘why’ of this situation isn’t really established, but they’re a rather xenophobic bunch, more so the further you get into the heart of the country. The people who occupy villages/homesteads closer to the borders are sometimes more chill about them, which is fortunate, because that no-man’s-land that the aquei don’t want is full of gyphons, because gryphons are both well suited to impassable mountainous regions, and not afraid to fuck with powers most other people won’t. The latter trait is probably a lot of the reason Andolians are wary of them at best and actively hate them at worst.

So at a certain point, circa 1980 in Earth time (which won’t become relevant for a long while yet but does matter since everything in this lore canonically occurs in real time alongside our world), a half-gryphon baby ends up in the custody of a small Andolian town. It’s too large and central to have had any previous contact with gryphons but still small and out of the way enough that nobody in the capital gives two shits what goes on there, so the existence of this gryphonic child goes largely unnoticed. What exactly happened to his parents is still not established and honestly doesn’t matter, but it’s Andolia, so the likely answer is “nothing good.” Gryphons who do venture into the country proper frequently meet unfortunate ends and people who willfully associate with them don’t do so great either. In any case, it’s likely that the aquei parent’s family were residents of this town and took in the kid, who was subsequently named Talon, because Andolians don’t really do subtlety with their naming conventions. The town proves to be a surprisingly supportive environment to grow up in, mainly on the logic of “if we raise this kid right we will never have to deal with the local bandit problem again because we’ll have a gryphon and nobody will want to fuck with us.” Incredibly, this Timon and Pumbaa logic actually works out, and Talon finds himself more welcome among small town Andolians than any gryphon has probably ever been because he’s quickly developed a reputation as a “good” one and turned into a local hero (though one that everyone in the region keeps kind of quiet about so as not to draw attention from the capital or anyone else who might not like it). 

Eventually, some time in the late 90s Earth time, he meets Iadra, a full-blooded gryphon. They form a bond, eventually becoming definitive life partners, and Talon also reconnects more with the gryphonic half of his heritage through her. The townsfolk aren’t really thrilled about Iadra, and she’s not really thrilled about them, but they adopt an attitude of “I guess if Talon likes you, you can’t be too awful, guess you can hang around” to which she basically responds “appreciate the unbridled confidence in my character, but no thank you” and mainly stays on the outskirts and never really gets involved in aquei affairs to the extent Talon does, especially since the interspecies tensions are getting worse lately.

Meanwhile, as all this was semi-quietly going on in a small town nobody cared about, other things were semi-quietly going on directly in the Andolian royal court. The king, Shale, was really hitting it off with a woman who had just kind of shown up in the capital one day calling herself Ember. Through a combination of charisma and political shrewdness she managed to endear herself to most of the court and take on an unofficial advisor position, and also have an affair with the king. Eventually, circa 1989, this led to a son being born, who they named Ash (meanwhile, on Earth, Taylor Swift was being born, which isn’t important to this story it’s just something I realized just now and thought was really funny). The king had no other children at the time, so his first reaction was “hey, free heir” until it came to light that Ember was not wholly aquei, and in fact had some gryphonic heritage and so, by extension, did Ash.

A prudent move here might have been to cover this up, accuse whoever exposed Ember of slander, and just let the kid inherit the throne anyway. Sadly, prudence was not a trait King Shale possessed in abundance. So what he did instead was lose his shit over it and very publicly throw Ember out of his court, after which she quickly fell prey to any one of the many people who were pissed at her for the deception, and was killed. Shale then denied both the affair and the fact that Ash was his son, but made a show of magnanimously “adopting” the gryphonic bastard child and allowing him to remain at court. This was an entirely political move in response to the fact that the gryphons on Andolia’s borders were getting tired of exactly this kind of shit, and he hoped that he could use Ash as a kind of “how can you say I hate gryphons, look at this one who I raised and keep around out of the goodness of my heart” card.

Unsurprisingly this did not work out nearly as well as Shale imagined it would, and instead of a loyal walking virtue signal/gryphonic liaison, what he ended up with was a resentful and confused teenager who had been raised with the combined knowledge that A) gryphons are terrible, dangerous creatures with few redeeming qualities and nobody likes them, and B) he was part gryphon. So, not unlike Taylor Swift, he responded to everyone’s expectation that he would be a shitty person by turning into a shitty person. This uneasy state of affairs carried on until Ash was around sixteen, at which point he accidentally stumbled across the fact that he was actually the king’s son, and not the son of a random courtier with poor judgement as had always been vaguely implied. He also found out what exactly had happened to his mother. He immediately confronted Shale about this. Shale, who had always been paranoid about Ash trying to usurp him, entirely missed the point of the confrontation and instead of addressing the lying or the unofficially sentencing Ember to death thing or the general environment he’d made Ash grow up in, angrily doubled down on the fact that Ash would not be heir to the throne, ever, because he’s still a gyphon and that’s not a thing in Andolia, and even if he wasn’t he’d never be fit to rule and was clearly an ungrateful little shit. Ash, who up to that point hadn’t remotely wanted to rule, immediately decided out of pure teenage spite that fuck you, he was going to usurp his asshole of a father and do exactly that, so he set about stirring up dissent and delving further into his gyphonic heritage, with which he quickly became mildly obsessed since obviously his aquei side wasn’t doing anything for him. In the course of this research he came across records of an unrelated full-blooded gryphon named Kyran who had been executed by the king on trumped-up charges as a political maneuver some years prior and, since he no longer wanted to use an Andolian name and didn’t know his mother’s real name, he decided to adopt that one.

Cut back to Talon and Iadra, who are among the gryphons getting edgy over the king’s increasing levels of bullshit since it’s putting Talon’s town and everyone he associaties with at risk, and making things even more difficult for the local gryphons, who are having trouble even venturing into the outskirts to trade unless they’re very stealth about it. Iadra starts to think that maybe they should take some direct action and go after the king directly, a plan Talon is extremely dubious about since they have zero meaningful political allies and he doesn’t want to paint a target on the assorted farmers and villagers who would back him. That is until Kyran shows up and announces his plan to overthrow the king himself, along with a grandiose plan to change things for Andolia’s relationship with the gryphons once he takes over. And Kyran does have political allies (though not many, and not without substantial effort on his part). Talon decides that’s enough for him to go along with the idea, so he and Iadra join forces with Kyran’s rebellion and know what this is too long I need to make this a multi-part thing.

[xathia-89]

Our Little Girl Part 4

@plumpblueberry because she’s encouraging me too much. WAIFU LOVE.

Giles was stroking Sasha's hair. She was resting with her head on his chest while he was settled on the sofa. A makeshift bed had been made after the clean up from their earlier activities, a sheet now covering the leather cushions and a thin blanket was thrown over their legs to maintain an air of decency. She was dozing and clad only in a share PJ shirt that had gotten shrunk in the wash and no longer fit either of the boys.

Sid stormed out of the bathroom in only a towel, muttering angrily at his phone while water was still dripping down his abs and back. Giles sighed until the TV remote was snatched up, and the news channel was now the focus of the two men.

Sasha was nudged to open her eyes as her brother's name grabbed all of them. He was looking no different than when he was managing the bar, something of a shirt and waistcoat but there wasn't a tie, and the first several buttons were undone. Leo looked pale, he clearly had been disturbed and appointed as soon as Sasha was stripped of her position the previous night.

Her nails were digging into the palms of her hand as Leo opened his mouth on the screen.

"Thank you all for your warm welcome, I am certain that everyone has heard the frankly ridiculous rumours surrounding my sister's sudden departure. I do not care for her name to be tarnished because people need gossip. Sasha's leaving was to allow her to move on with her career, there was no scandal and anyone who tries to manufacture one will find themselves with Crawford Industries Limited legal team in contact. There are no hard feelings involved, and we wish her all the best as she moves forward with her life. I am opening for questions," his smile was lethal, he was going to tear into the first person who dared to be stupid. "Yes?" He pointed to a particularly well-known slimeball, who made it his business to try and destroy any woman in power.

"So the photographic evidence of Sasha Crawford on a date with your main competitors at The Crown, specifically, the owner Giles Christophe, are you saying that she isn't involved with them?" His voice was nasally and made every attempt to make himself look better than he was as the focus and tension were batted back to Leo.

"There is no known photographic evidence, and I believe that neither company has exhibited any changes that would come of Sasha's social life. In our business, it is more than a little common to be rubbing shoulders with your competition, so photographic proof that the two were seen together is nothing that can't be explained," Leo's smile was the most devious thing about his reply. His red eyes were focused on the slimy male, who was scowling furiously as he scribbled some notes down. "And I will remind you that any …. Implications of such things will come under as libel against Sasha Crawford and Crawford Industries. Besides, I know many people are adept at Photoshop these days to try and make some quick money."

The tone was clear as Sasha was starting to get a little hopeful, but the reporter would just be running something anyway.

Sid was already dialling to get through to their lawyer as Giles tried to sit Sasha back on his lap, the woman had crawled to the edge of the seat in anxiety. She was chewing on her lip before jumping the second his hand touched her shoulder.

"You aren't alone," he softly reminded her.

She took him by surprise.

Her head was buried into his chest, her arms wrapped around him as the questions about Sasha continued to drone on in the background. The slimeball had set enough doubt about things going among the others, and everyone was questioning if the photos were real, and she had left to join the competition, then would it not harm the family? He could feel her shaking as the tears poured out, his heart was aching for her.

"I believe I have already answered these slanderous questions," Leo's voice was icy, and Alyn was now standing next to him in the background as Giles' arms squeezed some reassurance into his girlfriend. "Sasha Crawford devoted her life to bettering Crawford Industries, such photographs of her with any other individuals are part of her social life which was nothing to do with the business. She was the epitome of professional, her social life was sparse and secondary to the business. We saw no effect on our business before her departure, profits were above expected, and there was no change in our competitor's business either. There are no grounds for your slander and libel, consider this press conference over," Leo was frowning. Worry was evident in his eyes, no smirk on his face, and he was more than a little swift to leave.

"Robert is on call if we need him if the reporters continue this way," Sid's voice made the pair jump, before bending over the back of the sofa and planting a soft kiss to Sasha's head. "We also need to arrange for your things to be collected."

"I don't want to talk to him," the woman's voice was muffled by her face being pressed into Giles' shirt.

"It would be best to approach your brothers actually," the manager corrected her, massaging her head. "We could even agree to meet halfway between The Crown and The Throne. So it's all neutral territory," Giles came out with as he was already fishing around for her phone on the table behind them.

Then her mobile started to ring. Aly n's face was on the screen as Sid passed it to Sasha with an expectant look.

"Hey."

"You saw the conference, I presume?" Alyn was exhausted from playing to their uncle's whims.

"Yes."

"Leo's already had the servants collect all your personal things together," her brother sighed before Sid was gesturing for the phone. "And I suspected a couple of people would like to hear things on the speaker at least."

"Stop all thinking alike," Sasha sighed, taking the phone from her ear and pressing the icon on the screen. "So we just need a spot to collect my things from?"

"Leo's snowed up right now, you know what Uncle Aubin is like. He has one pace and one set of expectations," Alyn wasn't one for mincing his words at least, and that was probably the main reason he didn't still live with their uncle. "What the hell did you do?"

"Those photos made their way to his desk, where I was having lunch at one restaurant with Giles and then a different date with Sid at another spot, and he told me how he should have known he couldn't trust a woman," Sasha murmured after an extended pause. "I bet those photos are the same ones that Slimeball Jones was talking about in the press conference."

"Possible, we don't know. If they get released then Leo has already told Uncle Aubin that he will prosecute on your behalf," her brother confirmed, she could see him shrugging without a care. "Neither of us gives a damn about who you date, but you know we have to do the proper introductions in time."

"I was trying to keep my social life private for a reason," she mumbled. "And let things quieten down a bit before all five of us are seen in public. We'll just be adding fuel to the fire if we're photographed so soon after my departure," Sasha was trying to reason.

"No, we're coming over to The Crown with your things tonight and having dinner all together," Alyn decreed, making the trio stop instantly. A soft chuckle over the phone broke the silence. "It means it stops things being dug up a second time as well," he stated.

"That is true. We will close off a section of the bar as well, to ensure some level of privacy," Giles nodded. "We will see you this evening."

"Later," Aly n's voice was slightly lilted, as though he was relieved about his sister now before the three of them all exchanged looks.

"Well, we need to take someone shopping," Giles smiled, a perfect opportunity to spoil Sasha at least.

[curiouschild]

TS7 Theory

LoOkay so I have like some album predictions that are probably totally wrong but I wanted to jot them down anyway! This is my track by track impression and interpretation!

1. I Forgot You Existed

So this is a very interesting starting track. I’ve seen a few theories that to me make a LOT of sense! My favorite is actually the one that discusses that perhaps this song is about finding yourself again or finding a new side of you. (i would link the post but I don’t remember whose it was sorry!!!)For me, my first thought was actually the feuds/people who made Taylor feel bad over the years. I think with an album with ME! in the song lineup and being the album after reputation, it would make sense if Taylor was singing about what it’s like when you have a love that is SO SO real, true, SAFE.. that everything else disappears into the background. She has written about that love, and I think I Forgot You Existed could be about Taylor saying, “Oh, yeah. That really bothered me. I remember those painful things you did to me and what I went through. But, you know what? What I have now has wiped away my memory of that. You can’t touch me.” 

2. Cruel Summer

Hmmmm. Okay I don’t want to say this is about Hiddleswift, because I think that chapter closed forever ago. But I think it might be about Hiddleswift. I know I’m like way off, but my first impression from the title is that summer that people were really cruel??? About who she was with?? And if I’m right about the opening track (which I don’t think I am, just a theory!) I think this would make a interesting sequel track. 

My other idea is that Cruel Summer is possibly be about how when summer is so hot that you’re too lazy to do extracurricular activities. Lol my theories are terrible.

4. The Man

Taylor already talked about it but I’m super excited about hearing her perspective on being a man.

6. I Think He Knows

Okay I think it’s possible that this track is political? I wonder if she is talking about he-who-shall-not-be-addressed because I wonder if she’d write a contrast song to The Man and address a man who is in a powerful position. I think this song could be about how she wonders if he actually realizes the division he has placed on the country.

The other possibility I have is that this song is maybe about how her SO knows she wants to spend forever with him since this track is directly after Lover.

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Oof y’all I am SO SO SO excited about this song. The tile is SO INTRIGUING! I LOVE how specific this title is!!! 

But I’m not quite sure what this is about. I don’t think Taylor would really address past loves she’s had in a way that she had in any of her previous albums? Like she’s so in love right now, that unless she addresses like.. some issues that happened during one of those times? But, like. Who would be the Heartbreak Prince? I don’t picture a haylor or John Mayer song popping up on Lover. But maybe Taylor isn’t Miss Americana? Maybe Taylor is writing from the outer perspective into one of the lives of someone she is close too? Hmm. I am extremely intrigued by this title.

8. Paper Rings

OKAY THIS ONE!! I think this is gonna be about how she was always married. Like there doesn’t need to be a wedding ring for Taylor to belong to her lover and vice versa. The rings can just be promises kept in love notes and be like a nod to the Delicate video where she receives a note and keeps it because of the promise on it! It would also pair well with Lover when she sings a vow like bridge. Maybe she doesn’t plan to have a wedding. Maybe she doesn’t need one to justify her devotion. I love that idea.

9. Cornelia Street

SADLKGJSDLJK CORNELIA STREET?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! There are a lot of posts and theories flying around about how Cornelia Street is in Pennsylvania, New York, and England. So I’m extremely excited about what this means and I love, again, how SPECIFIC this song title is!!! I think this will be a favorite of mine, and I CANNOT WAIT to hear it!

I told @illbeoutofthewoods that I think it could be interesting if Cornelia Street, having been the name of several streets in 3 of Taylor’s home residence, was about being connected and destined to get to her lover. Although the unreleased song lyric we were shared today leads me to speculate that the song is specifically tied to New York. (idk i’m super excited about this one though!)

10. Death By a Thousand Cuts

HMMMMMMM!!!!! Is this her self love song about always getting back up even after she has been hurt by so many outside voices/opinions? Another mysterious yet detailed title. I can’t quite figure out what this song could truly be about, so this is my best guess.

11. London Boy

So today’s unreleased song lyrics makes me question if it came from this track! Especially since she has addressed that she IS New York City. I think this song could be about what she is thinking when she has to leave her London Boy or how she imagines him when they get into an argument.

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Oof. This sounds like it is addressing her mom’s cancer. I think I saw that theory floating around a few times. This would make sense if this is the song she had to leave the room when it played :(

13. False God

I’m sort of nervous about this one. I’m not sure what False God she is addressing. It could be political since the track that follows is also gently laced with political undertones or at least mainstream topics. I’m not sure if this song will slander religion. It might. Or perhaps have a negative take on religion. Or it could be addressing hypocrisy amongst people who claim to have certain morals but don’t follow them. Hmmm. 

15. Afterglow

UMMMM SO I’m REALLY excited about this track!!! I love the title. I can’t wait to hear what Taylor has produced in order to create the sound of an afterglow! I have always loved tracks of Taylor’s that create, not only a great bop, slap, or lyrically clear song. But when her production tackles and creates an extremely specific environment. You Are in Love is probably my favorite example of Taylor painting a beautiful story, but also producing a sound that envelopes you into the moment and genuinely gives you the feeling that you are living that experience out. And I really hope and wonder if Afterglow will be *that* song that does the same thing!

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

EEEEEEEEEEEEE. WHAT is this song about? More specifically, what TONE will this song have???? Is she bringing out her sarcastic/irony gloves and enter a boxing ring?? Like my first thought was “DID SHE NEED TO WRITE ANOTHER THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS SONG???” Or is it like... slightly sarcastic while she’s being thankful for the people who have stuck with her this whole time? Only Friday will tell!

18. Daylight

Okay, I’m convinced like most of you probably are that “Step into the daylight and let it go” is probably a direct reference- if not a direct lyric- from this track. So I wonder if Daylight will be hopeful like a lot of her last songs normally are. I wonder if daylight will be her “I made it into the daylight, so can you.” 

I can’t wait for this Friday, August 23rd guys.

[i-run-a-red-dwarf-blog]

(for the ask) Ace Rimmer?

oh fuck yeah

favorite thing about them

A bit cliche, but his general heroism! I really admire his selflessness and bravery. He puts other people before himself and, while an exaggerated swashbuckling hero for sure, he really is doing his best to help people and the universes he visits. Also I like how he doles out nicknames. 

least favorite thing about them

Short life spans. :( If I remember correctly, most Aces don’t last, what, ten years after they start the gig. Plus, they can’t go back to their home dimensions, which sucks. It makes me sad and I don’t wike it.

Also he seems like the kind of dude that everything he says is flirting and everything you say he interprets as flirting, which would be kind of fun at first but in the long run would get aggravating. Sometimes I just wanna say something witty, I don’t want people thinking I’m hitting on them when I’m not. Luckily (? or not?) visits from Ace seem to be pretty brief, so I don’t think he’d have enough time to get on my nerves. 

favorite line

Tie between “Say what you like about me, but I won’t hear a word against Skipper here,” and “My god, it’s me, only much more handsome!” I think these lines are very emblematic of that aforementioned selflessness and also I find his self-deprecating (but not self-loathing! It’s a fine line to walk) charming. I’m charmed. These lines always have me like “Fuck I like this dude”. Also kin on the Skipper line, I too won’t have any slander against my boy!!! 

brOTP

Ace and me. I wanna hang out with Ace so bad. New spin off series pitch: a doctor who style show where he picks up various companions and goes adventuring with them and the first main companion is me. I would also, however, be willing to just steal the Wildfire, I think I could talk Fiona into liking me. 

In terms of show characters uhhh He has almost all his screen time with Lister and they were clearly instant buds (and not just because Lister is predisposed to be fond of Rimmers wink wonk) so my instinct is Lister and Ace but I also think him and Cat play off each other really well so Cat and Ace.

OTP

To the shock of everyone who follows this blog, Ace/A Lister. Not necessarily our Lister, I think they’d be a fling at best, but I love love love the idea of Listers and Rimmers falling in love across universes.  I just like to think that Ace found a Lister out there (that probably didn’t have anything better to do if we’re being honest) that he can pick up and that they adventure together and also maybe they don’t get killed quite so quickly. Maybe because it makes my heart hurt to think of Aces being ultimately alone. 

nOTP

Ace/His original Spanners. Dude’s a lot of things, but a homewrecker is not one of them. I think he would respect Kristine and Spanners too much to interfere in that kind of thing, especially when it seemed like a really solid relationship.

random headcanon

He’s great with kids! Not just when he’s rescuing them or whatever but just general kids love being around him because like he wears aviators! he has a shiny flight suit! He’s basically a real life super hero! He talks funny! How cool is that! Also Jim and Bexley from his universe DEFINITELY called him “Uncle Ace” and having to leave the kids he basically considered his nephews behind was one of the rougher parts of going to a new dimension. Also, interacting well with kids was something he actually knew how to do prior to becoming a spacefarer, it was just a natural talent (and him probably wondering what his dad would do in this situation and doing the exact opposite.)

unpopular opinion

I don’t like his haaaiiiirrr. It’s VERY fitting to his character and honestly it’s not that I actively dislike the look (it certainly doesn’t set off my fight or flight response like SOME haircuts, let me tell you. [Looking at you manbun+ specific styles of beards and also waxed handlebar mustaches. I call these looks portland/physics major chic and I hate them. I also just kind of generally dislike most facial hair? Anyway veering off topic]) but I am biased against it for being straight hair. I love Rimmer’s somewhat unmanageable curls (as a curly haired person, most curls are at least somewhat unmanageable and I love them) and having those curls be a little floppy and looser and longer and relaxed would’ve been EXCELLENT and I was ROBBED grant naylor straightening a character’s hair when they’re like the better version of themselves is the COWARDS and TRAITORS MOVE. Also I would’ve been down for a prog rog show pony hairstyle but I can’t always get what I want. It still could’ve been floofy and full and luscious but it SHOULD’VE HAD CURLS NO I WILL NOT BACK DOWN ON THIS YES I AM BIASED.

song i associate with them

I got a list babey!

“Take my breath away” by Berlin because it’s obviously what was being spoofed in the Ace Rimmer theme by Howard Goodall (which is fantastic by the way) 

“Electric Lady” by Janelle Monae and Solange which is more about like the feel of the song than anything but also…when Aces are holograms…they’re electric people so…

“Here I go again” by Whitesnake and “Hundred Million Miles From Home” by Styx. Similar themes of being constantly on the road and isolated but also kind of in a kickass way. Kickass loneliness. That’s an Ace mood. 

and for our Rimmer as Ace specifically:

“Uptight Downtown” by La Roux, because uhhh it’s a bop and also deals with like..change and stuff. I’m very eloquent. 

favorite picture of them

It’s so hard to pick! He’s a very photogenic and also very silly character so there’s a lot of excellent pictures. So I’m gonna be self-indulgent and pick the pic that’s my icon! 

Side note about icons: I find it very funny that like 90% of Red Dwarf specific side blogs have some form of Rimmer as their icon. 

[taffysannotatedsonichu]

The Most Pointless Character in Sonichu

Taffy here. This was a post I made for the Kiwi Farms forum on the most pointless character in Sonichu in late October 2017, and I took up the challenge to prove every single character has no point. This was kind of my beta version of what would become Taffy’s Annotated Sonichu, so I thought it would be worth reprinting here (also I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to get more CWCDefense or GitM up, I’ve been really sick for the past two weeks and I’m just now trying to get back in the swing of things).

Chris's comic persona and fursona are pointless because he could have just lived vicariously through Sonichu and not have an in-comic presence.

Sonichu himself became pointless after Chris took over as main character but was already pretty pointless since really Chris could have just written a straight Sonic fanfic with Sonic as the lead in the first place. Besides the occasional electric attack and the complete lack of an original personality he's basically Sonic.

That said, all the characters ripped wholesale from Sonic or Pokémon (Sonic himself, Perfect Chaos, Robotnik, Giovanni) are pretty pointless as they were dropped not long in as Sonichu grew to have its own canon with its own crazy cast of characters.

In addition, any character ripped wholesale from any other franchise (Beavis & Butthead, Bugs Bunny, Meg Griffin) exist solely for "fan service", or rather fan disservice.

Rosechu is extremely pointless, all she does is A) be a token girl, B) prove Sonichu is STRAIGHT, and C) occasionally face rape someone. That said The Incredible Lioness is probably the closest we get to a real character with a point, rivaled only by the Voltorb that kills Simonla. They have simple purposes (to brutally maim and murder) and they do them to a T.

Kel is pointless since Rosechu could have just been Chris's Pokémon to begin with and she didn't need to exist as a middleman.

For that matter, any character best known for being a Moon Pal (Bill the Scientist, Metal Sonichu, Yawning Squirtle) or just as a meme in general (Inos), while being great for laughs, are all pretty irrelevant background characters.

Reldnahc Notsew Niatsirhc exists solely for Chris to physically obliterate his sexual insecurity.

Any Jerkop or Manajerk exists solely for Chris to vent his frustrations with real people who were just doing their jobs. Same goes for Hanna.

Blake is too inconsistent to have a point to existing. He was a pointless villain-of-the-week at first and then he was a pointless supporting character.

Sarah Hammer and Wes Iseli are particularly pointless because Chris' relationship with Sarah was already waning when he wrote Sonichu 2. Since the reincarnation plot point was dropped not long after, you can honestly skip Sonichu 2 entirely and not miss anything.

Mary Lee Walsh, while being awesome, is like the jerkops and manajerks just there essentially as a comic book voodoo doll. Maybe the point of her was to show that Chris can in fact write an interesting and badass female character? We'll never know.

Count Graduon is pretty redundant with Mary, power wise. Other than to vent frustrations with his graduation he's really pointless.

All of the Chaotic Combo are basically team filler filling out some elements that the rest of the team lacks. Specifically:

Wild Sonichu doesn't really have a personality. He's pretty redundant with Sonichu himself, other than, of course, we need a green Sonichu. The one thing that possibly could have made him interesting, the struggles of being a single father, are really rushed over so Chris can get back to the murder spree. His only notable father-daughter bonding experience was drilling a man to death.

Bubbles Rosechu, aside from being the token blue Sonichu/water type, finds one Sonichu ball and then returns to being a moron.

Angelica Rosechu, although I imagine her original purpose was to be a pacifist voice of reason and a token religious character, well, that got thrown out the window pretty quickly. The things that differentiate her from Bubbles besides their powers are few and far between.

Punchy Sonichu is just the token red character and the token Asian. Seriously I don't even know what "fighting type" means. In fact, why not make him fire type? It's the one element missing from the Chaotic Combo (Bubbles is water, Wild is earth, Angelica is air, Magi-Chan is ether/heart/mind, no one's fire!) (Note 26/11/18: I now know Fighting-Type is a type of Pokémon, but nevertheless “Fighting-Type is one of the weirder types. The Pokémon types are elements, supernatural creatures... and martial arts. And yes, the Fighting-Type icons in the series are red while Fire-Type is orange, but from a team balance perspective fire would have made sense).

Magi-Chan, especially after being paired off with Silvana taking away his sole unique trait of not being driven around by his penis, is just Chris's round the clock surveillance system.

Boulder Dropping Whale would have been useful if he actually killed Bubbles's mother but since he failed he's just a great meme.

Why does Flame the Sunbird even exist? He's literally just Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie and his role could have easily been filled by Wild or Bubbles or anyone because that stupid Sunstone doesn't even matter, except it does make everything grow like Norma, whoever she is. Norma is the most relevant character in that whole issue. (Note 26/11/18: Yes, I named Nadine’s mom after this typo.)

Again, Darkbind and Zelina are crimes against nature. (Note from an earlier repost): I am referring to a previous post complaining that Darkbind and Zelina were the combinations of not two but four franchises (Sonic, Pokémon, Zelda & Darkwing Duck) and came off as clunky because of it.)

Crystal the sister is especially irrelevant now that Chris is a girl (why not make her a trans man to mirror Chris' own transition? Oh wait JERKS.), but she was always redundant with Rosechu and Chris himself.

Sailor Megtune - why didn't he just draw Megan herself? We know he's okay drawing her.

Megagi - Already kinda redundant with Megtune and she really had no reason to exist after Chris & Megan had that falling out.

Jamsta and Lolisa speak for themselves at their uselessness. I mean, they are just bit characters anyway. But as someone else mentioned before their radio station is particularly shitty.

Patti-Chan, while her story is cute, just exists as a way for Chris to hold on to his beloved pet and not fully cope with her loss.

Allison Amber, although being one of the better characters, wouldn't need to exist if Chris would just do some work for once. That said if the point of her character was to be an audience surrogate (I mean, until she shoots a man in cold blood) then for once Chris succeeded.

Bionic the Hedgehog as previously mentioned is just there for the sake of having an orange Sonichu, even though he isn't one.

All of the specific characters of Chris's "real life" "sweethearts" (Pandahalo, Blanca, Ivy) as well as their OCs (Jiggliami, Blazebob & Chloe, Layla Flaafy) are pointless because they all just disappear almost immediately after they're introduced after Chris finds out they were a troll or they "died".

Likewise any rendition of one of Chris' real life trolls (Jason Kendrick Howell, Clyde, Jack Thaddeus, Alec, Evan, Sean & Mao) are again just there as pen-and-paper voodoo dolls for Chris to take out his frustrations on. The trolls in particular almost work against Chris' point in including them because no matter how much Chris paints himself as the hero his violent murder sprees always end with him looking like the villain. (Justice for the Asperpedia Four!)

Beel is just Satan and a secretary for the 4-cent-garbage building. Pretty pointless.

Zapina is just there as a token "cute" character.

Simonla is just Wild's token sweetheart and then later the lynchpin Chris needed to justify executing his enemies.

Silvana, while another fairly interesting character, is just a villain-of-the-week with an added dose of Chris's sexual insecurity.

Sarah & Rita Jackarass - These two are both stupid minor characters, but why on Earth did there need to be two of them?

GodJesus exists solely to heap praise onto our beloved autist.

Those stupid Samurai Pizza Transformers are stupid. I hate them so much. I hope they burn in the Earth's lava core.

Sonichu & Rosechu's children are initially just there to be cloyingly cute and then once they're grown to be Chris's LGBT mouthpieces, forgetting that we won't listen to anything they say because we already hate them. Of special pointlessness is Cerah, because while Robbie is the most punchable he's at least the focus character of a lot of the newer stuff (even though we hated him as a Sonee, we hated him as a Sonichu, and we'll hate him as a Rosechu), and Christine is vapid she gives credence to the idea that Magi-Chan is giving it to Rosechu behind Sonichu's back which is way more interesting than canon. Cerah does jack squat besides be a lesbian.

The Asperchu cameos are just there for Chris to try to force Alec to give him what he wants and the Basement Rosechus are just there to slander Alec's name.

Sandy is particularly irrelevant since Simonla's back, she was never anything more than a replacement goldfish for her.

Kevin the Jew - I knew it! I knew it all along! Peppermint Patty is a boy!

Bananasaurus - Don't listen to your Patreon backers Chris.

Lastly, Russel & Cynthia are just there to fill the Sonee/Rosee void left when Cera Christine & Robbie evolved, a void no one in particular wanted filled.

Edited (27/10/17) to include all the MLP characters and Chris's ponysona - We hate them and we want Sonichu back.